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The Split of Ian Nicol

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The Split of Ian Nichol Elizabeth Dougall One day Ian Nicol, a riveter by trade, started to split in two down the middle. The process began as a bald patch at the back of his head. Narcissistically terrified for his locks, Ian insisted for a whole week on smearing it with hair restorer, yet despite his efforts it grew bigger and the surface became curiously puckered and so unpleasant to look upon that at last he went to his doctor. "What is it he asked?" he asked his doctor fidgeting uncomfortably in the heavily cushioned chair. "I don't know" said the doctor "but it looks like a face ha ha! How do you feel these days?" "Fine. Sometimes I get a stabbing pain in my chest and stomach but only in the morning." ...read more.


Think it over." Ian thought it over and admitted himself into hospital where he was put into a small ward and given a nurse to attend him for the specialist was greatly interested in his case. As the division proceeded more specialists were called in to see exactly what was happening. At first Ian ate and drank with a greed that both appalled and sickened those who saw it. After consuming three times his own normal bulk for three days on end, he fell into a coma which lasted until the split was complete. Gradually the lodes of his brain separated and a bone shutter formed between them. The face on the back of his head grew eyelashes and a jaw. What at first seemed a cancer of the heart became another heart. ...read more.


It had occurred to him that whichever won, whether or not it had been his original Nicol of choice, he could still claim his winnings as no one could prove which was which. In the end they were evenly matched and there were equal conflicting opinions as to who won eventually resulting in a minor commotion, the paediatrician received a convenient emergency exempting him from any cross examination. On leaving the hospital they took legal action against each other for theft of identity. The case was resolved by a medical examination which showed one of them had no navel. The second Ian Nicol changed his name by deed poll and is now called Macbeth and has a successful career as an usher on a cruise ship. Sometimes he and Ian Nicol write to each other. The latest news is that each has found a bald patch on the back of his head. Elizabeth Dougall 753 ...read more.

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