Friendships and relationships with others
Relationships with peers, particularly those who are not siblings become very important between the ages of two to six. I asked some questions of child A about his relationships. Firstly I asked who his friends were. He named three males but no females. This supports La Freniere, Strayer & Gauthier (1984) view that it is common at the age of four for boys to play with boys and girls to play with girls. They showed that 67% of boys interact with just male peers and 65 % of girls mix with just girls.
The way in which I noticed he favoured his own gender was when I went into the playground. He would play with two other boys who were chasing each other around. When I asked “why do you not like playing with girls?” he replied with “they don’t like to play chasing”.
I noticed child A would be very co-operative in his play. He would sit down and draw with other children and readily engage in conversation. For example he would ask another child to pass him the coloured pencils, showing a relaxed interaction. I noticed that within their interactions with each other he would sometimes push his partner away, withdrawing interaction and the play would come to an end. There was a clear role structure. Child A could be very demanding. For example, when playing the memory game he would shout at the child who was not taking his proper turn. MacCoby (1990a) believed that girls have a very different view when interacting than males. Boys tend to shorten their socialising by interrupting and been more demanding.
Child A appeared to play with one boy in particular. This boy would copy child A in whatever he did. There was one girl within the group who appeared to be avoided. Child A stated “I don’t want her to be here”. This may have been because she was of a different gender, although children are quick to reject another child they do not like. This is supported by Brian, J., Martin. M. D. (1995) There did not seem to be anyone else within his own class that was being avoided.
I found child A would co-operate with adults giving him instructions, however he related more willingly to his peers. Although 4-year-old children do not like adults to interfere they still turn to them for advice, approval or material help, (Brian, J., Martin. M. D. (1995)). I asked child A if he liked his teacher, he replied “yes, were allowed to play in the shoe shop”. This appeared to show a good relationship with his teacher. He seemed to open up and show his true personality within his peer group.
When with the teacher he could be very quiet, however when he was among peers he would be very dominant and talkative. Children at this age tend to act as individuals within their peer groups (Brian, J. Martin. M.D. (1995).
Emotional development
I talked to child A about his feelings and the different emotions he felt.
“What makes you angry?”
“Mmm, (sighs) when I have to do writing”
“Why does that make you angry?”
“I can’t do it”
“When do you feel happy?”
”When it’s play time”
“ Why do you enjoy playtime?”
“ Cos me and Nathan can play out”
“Do you enjoy playing with your friends”
“Yes, it’s fun”
“Do you play with your brother Ryan?”
“I don’t like to”
“Why do you not like playing your brother?”
“Because he always wants to play with my toys”
“Is there anything that makes you sad?”
“When nobody will play with me”
“Does anything make you scared?”
“When I get told off, when I’ve been bad”
As with any age a boy of four feels many kinds of emotions. Friendships can cause happiness and togetherness, however they can also be the cause of rejection and sadness. Relationships between siblings often include jealousy and bickering. Sibling relationships also include a lot of competition for their parent’s affection (Brian, J. Martin. M.D. (1995).
Child B
The second child I observed, child B, was aged nine. Again I observed him in his normal school environment creating natural surroundings so that he felt at ease. He appeared to be an intelligent child willing to participate in answering my questions.
Self Identity
I asked similar questions to the first child “are you a boy or a girl?” to see if there was a different reaction. He replied with “I’m a boy of course” This statement implies that he is very certain and clear about his gender identity. I carried out a small experiment designed by Fagot & Leinbach, (1989). I showed him a set of pictures, several of which were males and several females. I then asked him to pick out which were boys and which were girls. He could correctly identify the correct gender in all cases.
My second question was “will you be a boy when you grow up?” I asked this question to see if he had gender stability. He replied with “yes, I’ll always be a boy”. This shows a clear understanding of gender stability.
My third question was “are you a good boy?” He replied with “ I think I am”. He then looked around the room at an adult as if he wanted to gain approval that he was right. Most children appear to want adult approval (Brian, J. Martin. M.D. (1995)).
I then asked him “are you happy?” He replied “I like to think so”, which led me onto “what makes you happy?” He answered “I like swimming”
Friendships and relationships with others
Thomas Berndt (1983: 1986) proposed children of around nine years of age attending elementary school base their friendship on trust and generosity rather than physical things, which is common with four-year-olds.
I asked child B “who do you enjoy playing with?” he was very certain of his answer and gave the name of two boys. I asked, “why do you like to play with them?” He answered “because they let me play with them and they let me go to their houses.” This agrees with Berndt that his friendship is based on kindness and generosity. A child of nine years of age can look beyond the physical aspects and therefore turns his attention from external to internal concepts. For example he will look for kindness rather than toys (Bee, H 1999).
Hartup (1996) stated “children’s relationships with others reflect their understanding of themselves” Which leads me on to child B’s attachment with others. I asked, “how do you feel about adults” He replied “they speak too much about things I don’t understand” This shows that he may feel a bit confused around adults.
By nine years of age feelings and emotions such as crying are less visible, however they still feel a strong attachment to parents. MacCoby (1984b) stated there is “less open affection from a child to a parent”. However they still need to know that their parents are in the background.
I noticed that his friends were all boys. Powlishta (1995) suggested that children at the age of nine are strongly segregated into their own gender. They have negative views of the opposite sex. MacCoby & Jacklin (1987c) believed that if children had the choice of playing with a mixed race or a mixed sex they would always pick the mixed race.
I asked child B “is there anyone who you do not like to play with?” He replied “I don’t like to play with girls” Which supports the view of Powlishta. I then asked “why do you not like playing with girls?” He replied “they won’t play tig”. MacCoby & Jacklin (1987c) stated that girls tend to avoid playing with boys as they are discouraged by their rough play.
Emotional development
Questions relating to emotions I asked were;
“What makes you angry?”
“Being on at tig”
“Why does that make you angry?”
“Because I can’t catch anyone cos I’m not a fast runner”
“When do you feel happy?”
“When we go on school trips”
“Do you enjoy playing with your friends?”
“Yes, sometimes I have to make new friends because no one will play with me”
“Is there anything that makes you sad?”
“Having no one to play with and being shouted at, I try to make friends when I haven’t got any”
“Does anything make you scared?”
“I get scared when I have to do work I can’t do”
“Why does that make you scared?”
“I might get shouted at”
Comparison’s between Child A and B.
Child B seemed to be rejected by his peers slightly more than child A. He does not seem to be as domineering. This may be a personality difference rather than age. Child B tends to interact with peers due to qualities such as kindness, whereas child A prefers to play with peers because they are playing a jigsaw or a game. This is a feature of his age and being more physically orientated. When I asked child A if he was a good boy he answered that his mum thought he was, whereas child B answered that he thought he was. This shows that child A tended to rely more heavily on what his mother thought. I found that both A and B clearly chose their own gender to interact with. Despite B being slightly clearer they know their own gender and they will be a boy throughout life.
References
Bee, H. (1999) The Growing Child An Applied Approach second edition, pg. 290-307, Longman. Harlow, England
Bem, S. L. (1989). Genital knowledge and gender constancy in preschool children. Child development, Vol. 60, pg. 649-662.
Berndt, T.J. (1983). Social Cognition, Social behaviour, and children’s friendships. In E. T. Higgins, D. N. Ruble, & W. W. Hartup (Eds.), Social cognition and social development. A sociocultural perspective pg.158-192. Cambridge University Press. Cambridge, England.
Berndt, T.J. (1986). Children’s comments about their friendships. In M. Perlmutter (Ed.), Minnesota symposia on child psychology. Vol. 18, pg. 189-212. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
Brian, J., Martin. M.D. (1995). Child Care & Health for Nursery Nurses Third Edition, pg.147-148, Stanley Thornes Ltd. Great Britain.
Davenport, G. C. (1996) An introduction to Child Development, second edition, pg. 42, Collins Educational, London.
Fagot, B. I., & Leinbach, M.D. (1989). The young child’s gender schema: Environmental input, internal organisation. Child Development, Vol. 60 pg.663-672.
Freniere, Strayer & Gauthier (1984). Figure 1, p. 1961. Copyright by The Society for Research in Child Development, Inc.
Hartup, W. W. (1996). The company they keep: Friendships and their developmental significance. Child development, Vol.67. pg.1-13.
MacCoby, E. E. (1995). Gender and relationships: A developmental account. American psychologist, Vol.45. pg.513-520.
MacCoby, E. E. (1984). Middle childhood in context of the family. In W. A. Collins (Ed.), Development during middle childhood. The years from six to twelve. Pg.184-239. Washington, DC: National Academy Press.
MacCoby, E. E., & Jacklin, C.N. (1987). Gender segregation in childhood. In H. W. Reese (Ed.), Advances in child development and behaviour. Vol. 20. Pg.239-288. Orlando, FL: Academic Press.
Powlishta, K. K. (1995). Intergroup processes in childhood: Social categorisation and sex role development. Developmental psychology. Vol. 31, pg.781-788.
Slaby, R. G., & Frey, K. S. (1975). Development of gender constancy and selective attention to same-sex models. Child Development, Vol. 46, pg. 849-856.
Thompson, S. K. (1975). Gender labels and early sex role development. Child development, Vol. 46, pg. 339-347.
Joanne Turner, Childhood Studies 7 May, 2007