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Advertising my local area

Extracts from this document...

Introduction

Venez Visitez Londres! J'habite ( Kingsbury. Il y a un beau parc, des magasins et des banques. Il y a aussi une gare et une (glise, mais il n'ya pas de piscines. Il y a aussi beaucoup d'(coles un grand lyc(e et plusieurs (coles primaires. Il y a une tr(s grande colline et bien s(r beaucoup de circulation surtout le matin et le soir. ( part de (a c'est une ville assez calme et tranquille. ...read more.

Middle

La vie est assez anim(e. Et il y a un grand nombre de distractions. Par contre si vous aimez la campagne il est tr(s facile d'y aller en voiture ou ( bicyclette. L'avantage de vivre ( Kingsbury c'est qu'on peut facilement visiter le stade de Wembley. Evidemment si vous aimez le football c'est formidable d'y aller. Moi, j'aime le club d'Arsenal et je voudrais voir cette (quipe un jour. Je me demande si on va avoir du sport au stade pendant les jeux olympiques de 2012. ...read more.

Conclusion

Je voudrais aller ( la Gal(rie Nationale pour voir les peintures de Monet et Renoir et aussi Picasso. C'est une bonne id(e car l'(ntr(e est gratuite. Pour voir l'art moderne il fact aller au Tate Moderne. C'est un endroit o( les jeunes peuvent se rencontrer. La rivi(re qui traverse Londres s'appelle La Tamise. On peut prendre un bateau pour voir les b(timents le long de la rivi(re. Par exemple le Th(atre National, Hall du festival et London Eye et bien s(r les maisons du Parlement. Donc vous pouvez voir qu'il y a beaucoup d'attractions ( Londres et je vous reccommande une visite! ?? ?? ?? ?? ...read more.

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4 star(s)

Response to the question

Response to question
The candidate gives a very informative and detailed response to "Advertising My Local Area", with some evidence that the intended audience and purpose of the essay has been taken into account (see the title, the last sentence), ...

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Response to the question

Response to question
The candidate gives a very informative and detailed response to "Advertising My Local Area", with some evidence that the intended audience and purpose of the essay has been taken into account (see the title, the last sentence), although at GCSE level this is not particularly important. The inclusion of a wide range of amenities is a strength of this essay.

Level of analysis

Level of analysis
The candidate has given a detailed description of Kingsbury and the various attractions in and around the area, and given opinions on some of the places described. More developed opinions on a few of the points, particularly the museums would improve the essay, and perhaps describing some other attractions of being so close to London (shopping, for example) but the essay is very strong overall, and above-average for GCSE level.

Quality of writing

Quality of writing
Spelling and grammar is of a high standard, with some minor errors ("il fact" is used once, instead of "il faut"), but the candidate demonstrates elsewhere that they have a solid grasp of the language and I feel that these errors would largely be overlooked. There is overuse of "il y a" particularly in the first paragraph, perhaps "il existe" could be used instead sometimes? The candidate shows some use of more advanced tenses (the present conditional and imperfect are both used), but a personal rule I try to stick to is to have three examples of a particular grammatical structure in an essay, to show the examiner that you aren't just using a set phrase, and this would have helped a little.


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Reviewed by ecaudate 21/02/2012

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