Within a marriage both partners need to possess certain qualities for the relationship to be successful. Both partners should be able to accept the other as he or she is and be willing to share and grow with their partner. Each person within the marriage must learn to become unselfish, to not always think of themselves and they must also learn to be generous with their time and affection. Couples may go through a long and sometimes painful process of learning. This may test them which will in turn help to deepen the love they have for each other.
Within a Christian marriage each partner must be faithful to the vows they made during their nuptial ceremony. The couple must work at their marriage to ensure exclusive faithfulness. Extra marital sex violates the promise of faithfulness within marriage. “By its very nature conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses.”(Catechism)
In the case of unmarried people it fails to be a sign of the sacrament. For this reason, the Catholic Church and other Christian groups forbid sexual relations outside marriage. “The fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity in a relationship between a man and a woman, nor, especially, can they protect it from inconstancy of desires or whim.”(Catechism)
Some liberal Christians believe sex before marriage is acceptable as long as the couple love each other, they are in long-term relationship and they intend to marry eventually. This idea is based on Jesus’ teachings about love. The Church of England’s Board of responsibility in 1995 “Something to Celebrate” said that cohabiting couples should be welcomed and supported by the Church “recognising that for many this is a step along the way to the fuller commitment of marriage.” These views are similar to those of Quakers and Methodists.
In the Catholic Church marriage is considered to be pro-creative. In living out their vows Roman Catholics need to think about responsible parenthood. Birth control is part of a Catholic Marriage. The Catholic Church objects to all ‘unnatural’ forms of contraception. “Contraception is considered a sin as it adds an artificial element to a natural, loving act, and in doing so it removes God from the act of procreation.”(). The Church encourages only natural family planning; “These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them and favour the education of an authentic freedom.” (Catechism). The Catholic couple also have a responsibility to give their children spiritual guidance. This can include bringing them to mass and praying with them. They also have the responsibility of teaching their children to become good Christians.
In a Christian marriage the couple should remember that their love affects all those around them including their family and the wider community. It should be a two way ministry between the couple and the community. To do this the couple must make an effort to get involved in different aspects of the community. This may include bringing children to mass and contributing to community life. A couple may also share problems and experiences with other members of the community, offering advice and support. They may also support any projects taking place within the parish and offer support to the local priest. In committing themselves to each other a married couple form a new community in society. However, circumstances can threaten this commitment. A couple may be faced with unemployment, poverty and a lack of the ability to communicate.
The love between a husband and wife is a life-giving love. It flows outwards and for most couples this is seen in parenthood. As a married couple they must follow the vocation God has given them. This includes helping any children they might have to grow as God would want them to. A couple’s love should be outgoing and extend beyond the family itself to the wider community. However, it is very difficult to live out the marriage vows in today’s world. We now live in a society obsessed by materialistic things and sometimes couples are not prepared to spend time working on a marriage. They may give up without trying to resolve issues with their partner. Married couples breakdown for many different reasons. One or both of the partners may be too focused on their career and in turn may not spend enough time building up a marital relationship. One or more of the partners may commit adultery and trust may be lost between the couple. They may find it hard to forgive their spouse and this can lead to the breakdown of a marriage.
For many different reasons a couple may find the only answer is divorce. Protestant Churches believe divorce may occur if a marriage goes wrong and there is no chance of bringing a couple back together. God is always prepared to forgive if we are determined to live a new life. Orthodox Christians accept divorce and can remarry but they will not be given a full marriage ceremony. The Church of England will accept divorce but will not officially remarry divorced people. The Catholic Church does not recognise divorce, “Divorce is a grave offence against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death.” (Catechism)
However the Catholic Church does recognise annulments. This is a cancellation of marriage and a declaration that marriage never took place. Unlike divorce which says a marriage has broken down, an annulment claims there was no real marriage to begin with. There are several reasons when annulment may take place, such as: one of the couple did not understand the vows, one or both of the couple was forced to marry or one or both never intended to remain faithful.
These teachings do affect a couple’s life. Not only do the couple have to think of themselves but of the wider community and the children they might have. They have the responsibility to live how God wants them and fulfil their vocation in marriage.
