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Pursuasive speech - The British Royal Association of Teaching Standards aka B.R.A.T.S have come to the conclusion that Priestnall school is failing to meet even the barest minimum requirements of our highly recommended Child Appraisal Scheme.

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My lords, ladies, noblemen and Dr Nelmes, we the British Royal Association of Teaching Standards aka B.R.A.T.S have come to the conclusion that Priestnall school is failing to meet even the barest minimum requirements of our highly recommended Child Appraisal Scheme. This scheme was established in connection with the eminently approved NSPCC organisation worldwide; therefore it is necessary that it be obliged. Recently, an internal inspection was carried out on said school, in which our elite force of undercover students infiltrated your domain to survey the teaching standards - which as a matter of interest shocked even the most experienced of our international warfare spies. Furthermore, our establishment is currently on 24-hour red alert after seven out of our twenty student spies failed to return from your establishment, however to your credit, this is decidedly better than the number of casualties we suffered when we internally assessed Stockport Grammar Private School. As a result of a mobile phone conversation with one of our currently 'detentioned' elite spies, we have reason to believe that the other six student hostages are being forcibly held against their will in such useless pastimes as after school library club, homework club, war hammer club, Christian focus groups, extra curricular activities, revision sessions etc, etc, etc and not forgetting seemingly pointless detentions applicable to all study subjects. ...read more.


> Refrains from conducting after school clubs in their specialized subjects. > Never sets homework or research tasks. > Never conducts internal tests or monitors student progress. Note: Ideally the model subject teacher will undertake a campaign for the abolishment of nationally controlled examinations. Specification 2: (Faye hits board with metre stick) The Model Pastoral Leader > Terminates weekly assemblies. > Arrange weekly outings for students. > Protests for shorter lesson times and an earlier finishing school time. > Never has the need to address the year students for unacceptable behaviour. > Does not give his (slash) her form tutors a form time schedule. Specification 3: (Charlotte hits board with metre stick) The Model Head teacher > Does not employ staff, which do not fit the criteria of the above specifications. > Ends the parent governor association (never to be resurrected) > Does not authorize the administration of examinations within his/her school. > Fails to sanction any misbehaviour. > Supplies each student with a mini disk player as opposed to textbooks and lesson equipment. > Arranges cost free overseas trips and other outings which all have no educational benefits. ...read more.


In six weeks time another inspection of the school will be once again carried out by undercover spies this time armed better to avoid patronisation and being over ruled by the teachers who force them into extra curricular activities and confiscate their valued possessions e.g. Mobile phones, earrings, necklaces, make up and indeed colourful hair braids. (ALL NOD) Our organisation has been involved in many conference meetings and deliberations recently to discuss the future of Priestnall. At this time we cannot pass over any finalised agreements of these meetings but can only state that if Priestnall Comprehensive does not make immediate amendments then eviction notices will be distributed to those in question and the school will be ultimately closed. We would now like to take this chance to apologise for the sudden severity and unexpectedness of this situation yet request you act immediately to avoid any further confrontations of this sort. This speech was presented to you by Faye Torkington - Head of Student spy Committee (SSC), Charlotte Swain - Head of external affairs, and Matthew Shaw - Public affairs co-ordinator on behalf of the B. R. A. T. S. Thank you for your time. Key Charlotte Faye Matthew All Charlotte and Faye ...read more.

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