• Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

Commentary for AS level English Language

Extracts from this document...

Introduction

English Language-'The War on Emo' commentary 'The War on Emo' piece was written for an audience of teenagers, most likely between the ages of 15-19, and was a direct response to an article featured in the Daily Mail about the 'dangers' of emo. The author of this particular article wrote about the recent resurgence in the 'emo' movement and the dangers it poses to teenagers, particularly young, teenage girls. Style models such as articles from the music magazine 'the NME,' and the newspaper 'The Guardian' were used. There were various notable features used in each of these style models which I have tried to emulate in my piece, for instance the use of subtle humour and obviously persuasive techniques. The purpose of the text was primarily to persuade, yet the secondary purpose was intended to argue. I aimed for my text to be of a suitable style in order to be published in a music magazine such as Kerrang! ...read more.

Middle

Therefore in my final draft, the opening paragraph is a definition of the word emo, which was originally the second paragraph. This change means that the audience are given a rough outline of what the rest of the article will be based on, and also gives them a little background knowledge. Given that my target audience are teenagers, it seemed more appropriate to make my article quite informal, almost chatty, in order to appeal to them. After reading my first draft, my language appeared to use a fairly formal register, probably more suited to an audience of adults. Therefore, I decided to change the register used to more informal, yet still using Standard-English and spelling. Words like "personally" and "in conclusion" were changed to "for me" and "so" respectively. A common feature of persuasive writing is to use emotive language, something that was lacking in my first draft. ...read more.

Conclusion

Sands, something that I have been attempting to do throughout. After reading over my first and second drafts, I noticed that there was a shortage of rhetorical questions and other persuasive techniques such as lists of three. I opted to add a few more rhetorical questions such as "however, where is the evidence to suggest that every single one of those teens wore band t-shirts and skinny black jeans?" This technique forces the reader to think about what I am saying, and coming to the conclusion that it is unreasonable to assume that all emos self-harm. I also added more lists of three because they help to strengthen my point by the use of repetition of a particular idea. "She tells me she is happy, has never even considered self-harming and her 'emo' dress sense seems to be more linked to fashion than depression," is a list of three that highlights the inconsistencies in Sands article, and ultimately persuades the reader to dismiss her article as absurd. ...read more.

The above preview is unformatted text

This student written piece of work is one of many that can be found in our AS and A Level Composition section.

Found what you're looking for?

  • Start learning 29% faster today
  • 150,000+ documents available
  • Just £6.99 a month

Not the one? Search for your essay title...
  • Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

See related essaysSee related essays

Related AS and A Level Composition essays

  1. Marked by a teacher

    Is language an innate module?

    4 star(s)

    Chomsky believes that newborn children are born with an LAD device and the ability to use it. However, Piaget takes a cognitive view upon language development. He believes that newborns have little capability to learn language and instead gain their linguistic skills through interactions with the environment as they grow up.

  2. Short story 'A Little of What Was Deserved' with attached commentary

    She turned on the hot tap and only a trickle of water was released. "Good," she thought. Her hands trembled and she felt sick knowing that if she was caught "she'd be for it" as he so often warned her.

  1. English Language AS Coursework

    However, it is perhaps wrong to imply that the fashion and music businesses support self-harm, which is what Sands implies in her article; "Emo bands (Green Day, My Chemical Romance)...encourage [self-injury]." The fashion industry does support the emo fashion but I have never seen any sign of encouragement for self injury.

  2. Englsh persuasive writing

    This is why I think a limit on the sale of second homes in popular areas should be enforced.

  1. Loneliness in The Catcher in The Rye (persuasive essay)

    Robert Ackley lives in the room near Holden's room. After Holden fights with Stradler, he asks Ackley if he can sleep in his room for the night, since he has a spare bed. Holden has to force Ackley to make him let Holden stay. Ackley said to Holden, "I don't know when he's coming back...but for Chrissake, I can't

  2. Fight for the English Language

    instead of Russia and China. The Mongolian government has called this choice a "time of maturity" which is pushing them towards learning. Prime Minister Elbegdorj is the main force behind this transformation. "Mongolia has been catapulted into the information society and English now proliferates much of the daily life" (Elbegdorj 62).

  1. ALL ABOUT THAT BASS, SOME TROUBLE Why recent body positive songs arent as empowering ...

    However, this is overshadowed by some particular feminist faux pas the song has to offer. In a supposedly ?body positive? song, you would expect the classic depravity of ?skinny b******? to be avoided- but clearly not.

  2. Witness 1985 Short Story. Composition and commentary.

    He expected them to be behind his kidnapping, though he thought they probably had some hired crony knock him out. Neither men were smiling and Carter could feel their eyes shooting bullets at him. Mcfee was holding something heavy in both hands, though looking into the shadows Carter could not make out what it was.

  • Over 160,000 pieces
    of student written work
  • Annotated by
    experienced teachers
  • Ideas and feedback to
    improve your own work