L'immigration concerne tous les Français car les immigrés ont influé non seulement sur la démographie mais aussi sur l'économie. Il y a également beaucoup de problèmes sociaux dans les ghettos souvent dués aux mouvements xénophobes, ce qui explique en partie les émeutes de l'été dernier.
Les émeutes commencent quand deux jeunes ont été tués dont beaucoup de gens ont pensé il était dû à la police. L'impression que la police méprisait les jeunes, et surtout les jeunes ayant certaines couleurs de peau, a été une des motivations principales selon les émeutiers. Aussi les relations entre les jeunes de ces districts et les autorités avaient été sur le bord en raison des actions de médias de Nicolas Sarkozy (qui est un politicien de droite) quand il avait l'habitude quelques mots controversés pour décrire les personnes du ghetto. Beaucoup des français ont attisé les passions et à mon avis ils peuvent jouer des préjugés. Beaucoup de gens disent que les émeutes étaient dues au manque de méthodes d'intégrations. Récemment Nicolas Sarkozy a présenté un projet de loi qui précise que les gens admis comme travailleurs immigrés ou qui ont demandé le statut de réfugié doivent signer un document que dit qu'ils vont s'intégrer sans dommage. Les politiciens pensent que les lois placées pourraient aider les jeunesses du ghetto et aider à protéger le pays contre d'autres émeutes mais les immigrés pensent ils voudraient les décourager.
This is a preview of the whole essay
Peer Reviews
Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
Although there are a few grammatical and spelling errors these are few and far between. It's really nice to see variation in vocabulary (using car as well as parce que, je pense and il me semble que) and use of phrases such as Trent Glorieuses, maghrébine, sans papiers which show that they can use the appropriate terminology for the discussion. The variation is very important as it allows the examiner to fully see what the candidate can do (if you constantly use the same word/phrase the examiner won't know that you know another one). One thing is they do sometimes use the same word in close proximity to each other even when they have used other words beforehand so it's worth proofreading to check you haven't done that.
Level of analysis
There is strong analysis throughout, rather than just saying that there is a divide the student questions and hypothesises as to why there is a divide. They also challenge the claims made by French people that immigrants do no work and this shows an ability to see both sides of the argument. In the paragraph about illegal immigration it's great to see the use of statistics. Just by slipping a few numbers in it shows that there has been research and this helps you get higher marks. Although they looked at a range of topics they did not stray from the topic of immigration. This is essential because going off topic will not gain you marks, with each paragraph you must ask whether it has a point and explanation and if it is relevant to the question.
Response to question
This is a strong answer, it makes great points and has a good level of analysis and uses language well. Good discussion, talking about the riots and other topical issues is good as it shows you keep up to date with the news in France. By telling the history of immigration it not only gives a chance to use other tenses which shows depth of French knowledge but also shows cultural knowledge. By discussing the issues of legal and illegal immigrants it shows a lot of thought has gone into the topic of immigration in France. Furthermore looking at economic impact and the idea of immigrants living on the outskirts was well thought out. By covering such a large number of topics the candidate shows that they have truly engaged with the subject matter and have a well thought out layout. The clear introduction and conclusion are brilliant. The introduction is a great opener to the subject and the conclusion synthesises the information and comes to a judgement as well as a personal opinion. This is important because it shows the ability to collate what you have talked about and make a decision on the matter.
