Looking back at the beginning, her life was nothing less than perfect. From walking into interviews with her mother, Ruby became the grand ambassador for German fashion. Her straight hair transformed into untamable waves, while her hair ties turned into fascinators. She was brilliant, radiant, but alone.
Ruby Rose needed no one.
She was a butterfly and her ambitions were her wings. Her trademark of elegance with a rough edge, redefined German fashion. Ninety percent of the billboards in Berlin and Hamburg were plastered with her photos while celebrities paid for seconds with her.
Despite her fragile beauty, Ruby’s wings were coloured with wildness and decadence. She didn’t care about anything or anyone and strived to be true to herself. No norms were adhered to.
Not now. Not ever. But with each day she morphed into a dirty insect. It was inexplicable, yet lead to something vital being lost - her identity.
Now,
When strutting down the catwalk, there was no shadow.
When looking in the mirror, there was no reflection.
When screaming in anger and stress, there was no echo.
With her weary arms and emaciated muscles, Ruby aimlessly crawled into the corner as if it were her cocoon. It was darker there. Unluckily, dim light still reached this corner exposing her abused body. Ruby’s fingertips trembled across her cracked and dry lips as she tried to cast her mind back to the events that led to this state.
At first this new world was captivating, and although she endeavored to be an individual, it was necessary to conform to the expectations of the modeling elite. Her career depended on her attendance at various social events and partaking in the usual activities along with the other models. She strutted to their beat.
Gaining membership into this family had its benefits and it appeared like a bargain; the only price to pay was her individuality.
Parties were a professional networking opportunity and provided publicity. They enhanced her status and wealth. Unfortunately, they were also filled with satanical lures. Like a moth to a flame, Ruby was helpless to resist. What began as an occasional indulgence to pacify her colleagues became an addiction. Success brought her financial freedom and the world fit into the palm of her hand. Ruby’s dreams were enlivened and this euphoria forced her to become oblivious to her cries of her conscience. Soon the attitude from her photos formed into arrogance, she was now the stereotypical supermodel she was molded into.
Months, even years passed before the life of a high roller started to take its toll. The injections and light-ups were more frequent and the days were a blurry mess of nicotine yellowed teeth and fingers, and purple bruises punctuating collapsing veins. Even her family had suffered. How long it had been since she had visited them, she could not tell. She walked alone now. Ruby could not even recall what last night’s concoction comprised. Slowly, the realization sank in. How is it that others could see themselves in her dark eyes, but she could no longer do the same?
Suddenly, the abrupt beeping of a text message from her managers interrupted her thoughts. Ruby gathered the strength to call them back. After learning the devastating news, she refocused on the t.v. to discover that all of Germany had been notified of her replacement. The younger model had a healthy glow and her eyes were filled with ambition- a stark reminder of Ruby’s earlier days. A butterfly fresh from her cocoon, unlike herself, no one wanted her singed and broken wings anymore.
She knew the importance of losing her ambassadorship at such a young age - the damage would be irreparable. Ruby would soon be discarded altogether, losing her membership and acceptance in the fashion world. Her hands climbed from her cracked lips to wipe away the cold tears she was crying. Her wings were now stained with shame and humiliation. The colour was ugly and they no longer lifted her up from the ground. Having no place to turn neither herself nor her family, she was consumed with guilt and regret. She was a foreigner to her own identity- had nowhere else to go, no choices left. In a drunken stupor, Ruby ended her years of isolation and injected herself to sleep.
.
