How does Golding present the change from friendship to death in Lord of The Flies?

Review of essay

Rating: 5 star(s)

Response to the question

The response to this question is basic systematic and therefore covers an enormous amount of analysis that is entirely orientated around the proposed question with very little extra frills. There is nothing wrong with this, as the question has been answered in a very well-informed level of depth, but it does limit the extent to which the candidate can show extra knowledge. In this case however, the analysis covers such a diverse range of interpersonal relationships within the novel and symbolic merit of the interactions between them and what it shows us about the characters and the direction Golding wants to take us in.

Level of analysis

The Level of Analysis covers practically every main relationship Golding emphasises. What could be included to further fortifiy the answer though are comment about Roger's involvement in the novel, just to make sure there is extra content because whilst this answer shows an astute understanding of the allegorical impact of 'Lord of the Flies', there are no spare words anywhere - making the answer very short and it gives the impression that the candidate is speaking from memory, rather than providing insightful analysis that full comprehends the value of the text.
The use of quoting helps the value of the answer greatly. Without quotes, students are not making valid analyses. This candidate has used an abundance of quotes from the source text and embeds them in their answer so the sentences flow easily, without disrupting the flow of the read. This is a skill that all candidates should aim to use as it is indiciative of careful planning and confidence in writing - something examiners love to see.
Also, an opening paragraph about the plot of the book might be a useful contributory factor to perfecting the standard analytical structure. Without it, the essay appears to dive straight in without preparing the examiner nor directly addressing the question proposed. It is usewals useful to refer, in not so many words, to the question candidates are aiming to answer as it shows dedication to a specific point (the question steer) and also helps keep candidate from diverging off of their path during an exam, because they can refer back to what exactly it is they are trying to do in their response.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication (QWC) is fine. There is an adept use of syntax and sentence structure to vary the answer and keep it interesting - it also feels more personal when writing like this. However, the punctuation used is very basic (full stops, commas, quotation marks), and so a wider range of punctuation points would improve the QWC mark because it would show examiners a candidate who knows how to use a complex variety of tools to create their answer.