School again. I dread going to school, no one to talk to. My class is full of people who haven't a clue of what reality is like. I see them laughing and joking without a care in the world and I envy them.
A Gift Or A Curse?
Have you ever felt like someone or something is trying to shield you from happiness? A kind of conspiracy holding you back. Or maybe God has either forgotten you or is punishing you for something but you don't know what?
When your parents split up and you have to be moved about from house to house all over the country, is God there?
Sometimes I think that every problem is a gift to strengthen you, make you stronger. But sometimes too many gifts can suffocate you and you begin to crack.
Only now have I taken into account what is happening, realising what reality is. I hate reality. When I was younger, I always dreamt of what it would be like to be older, wondered what life was like. I spent so much time dreaming of the future, I forgot the present. Now my dreams are filled with the past and how everything was so much easier. I try to make the most of the here and now, but the only result is tears.
School again. I dread going to school, no one to talk to. My class is full of people who haven't a clue of what reality is like. I see them laughing and joking without a care in the world and I envy them. No one knows who I am. They all look at me and think Oh it's Jane, Janey the geek in the corner. But that's not me though. I want to have fun, be wild, how I used to be.
I am in my science lesson and yet again I am alone. I stare at ...
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School again. I dread going to school, no one to talk to. My class is full of people who haven't a clue of what reality is like. I see them laughing and joking without a care in the world and I envy them. No one knows who I am. They all look at me and think Oh it's Jane, Janey the geek in the corner. But that's not me though. I want to have fun, be wild, how I used to be.
I am in my science lesson and yet again I am alone. I stare at the teacher without listening, it's all just a blur, I feel rage, for no reason, what is happening to me? I hate that teacher, she has no idea of what I'm going through, talking to me like a normal kid. Well I'm not normal. I hate everyone in the Goddamn class. My hands are clenching into fists under the table. I dig my nails into my arms to stop myself. This is happening way too often now...
It's my next lesson, Humanities. I hate Humanities, my teacher is so arrogant, he thinks just because he's older he can treat me like a five-year old. Newsflash, I'm not 5 and I've probably had to grow up so much I feel like 25, well maybe not 25.
He sets the work; I glare at him.
"Don't pull that face at me, I don't choose the work for you" he's saying to me sarcastically. I hate it when he does that. He just has no idea does he? The fury is coming back. I can't take it any more. I jump up out of my seat.
"You just haven't got a clue have you?" I'm shouting, tears steaming down my face. I can't hold it back; it's just bursting out of me.
"Excuse me young lady, just who do you think I am?" Why is he doing this?
"Who do I think you are? I'll tell you who I think you are. I think you're an arrogant, obnoxious bastard who treats people my age like animals just because you're older. You have no idea what I'm going through or who I am and yet you boss me around as if I'm too young to have real feelings or a personality!"
"What do you think your parents will say when they find out about this? You are in serious trouble!"
"There you go again! You know, all my actions do not revolve about what my parents will think. I want to tell you just how I feel and so I will. Screw everyone else. I have spent my whole life pleasing other people and holding back, worried about what they will think. Well now this is just me, Jane." I turn and run just keep running. Out of the classroom, out of the school, across the school field and up the hill. I don't even know where I'm going.
Everything is welling up inside me; all the emotion that has been locked away for years has now been unleashed. I could feel the anger; hatred, pain and regret, oozing out of me like a fountain of feelings. I stop running and I stand there, crying, screaming and shouting. Now these feelings are out of me they won't leave me alone, they swarm around me, stinging me, wounding me, scarring me. I can feel them return to me, hitting me in the face like a wall of stone. I fall to my knees. I'm crying and screaming so hard it hurts.
"Please, God, if you're out there, help me. Take away all of this pain, I can't take it anymore. I just can't live on like this" Then I feel my head hit the ground and there is darkness.
By Charly Austin
