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The day that my life changed.

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The day that my life changed. The day that my life changed, maybe this isn't the best way to describe the mistakes that I made in the past, when I see myself lying there in the cold, dark room with thoughts screaming through my head, all I can think about is how young I was, so idle and stupid that I had no real dreams, no real fantasy and no real structure to my life, I was living in hope, I was in my world and I wasn't going to let anybody in, now I realize the foolish road I was walking. I suppose I should start at the beginning, I was 14 years old, at my friend Tom's house, I wasn't alone there. It was a not so unusual party, with the essence of cold beer and the sweet smell of burning cannabis, wafting over the heads of about 20 people, I for one was partaking in these substances, I was letting go off everything for that one night, with my closest friends and associates, I dedicated the night to being young, and celebrated by draining a bottle of wine in less then a minute. The sights and sounds around me where incredible, I could hear my very best friend, inside one of the caravans parked around the burning fire in which we where surrounded, she was giggling madly with another associate, rob I think his name was. At this party it seemed approved for everybody to hook up and pull, a normal teenage gang bang where kids get off their heads and sleep with the first thing that climbs into their tent, and I for one, at this party, was not going to let this stereotypical judgement put me off, I wasn't going to hold myself back and stop myself, although now I think about, maybe I would have been more comfortable stopping myself at this time. ...read more.


I didn't want him to know like this! I wanted to tell him! I felt pushed into a corner with everyone else trying to take over, I just wanted to go home and think and sort things over, I didn't want everyone knowing, Michelle had told Cheryl. She was telling me that she would be there for me and she would help me look after it, and if I needed her, she'd be there. But I didn't need her, I didn't need anyone, I needed peace, I wanted to be by myself, why wouldn't anybody listen? I tried listening to them talk to me until I nearly exploded! It is all going to be ok, it will all work out for the best, you'll be fine, that's what they all kept saying, yet It didn't make me feel any better. Tom was with Andrew, but they where out at a BMX park, so they didn't want to come and talk to us. In a way I was glad, for all we knew the pregnancy test could be wrong, we had to be sure, I had to be sure. I decided to be sure, I asked Michelle and Cheryl to walk with me the chemist, where we brought a more expensive, but what I would of thought, more dependable pregnancy test. And once again we walked into the supermarket toilets, and this time they both came in, it was quite a struggle fitting 3 teenage girls in one toilet, but we managed it, my bladder was empty, so it took me a while, but I got there in the end, I wasn't to desperate to see the end result, but to my surprise it said negative, I was shocked and surprised, I suddenly felt all dizzy and light headed, I was too happy, Cheryl and Michelle on the other hand, thought there must be a mistake, it felt like they wanted me to be pregnant, but I didn't care, because I wasn't. ...read more.


unzip my trousers, my mum sat on the chair at the end of the hard bed, she looked at me, she smiled a forced smile I knew this was paining her so badly, but I kept my hopes up and turned away, I tried to watch the computer screen but I couldn't see it properly, my mum was looking at the floor I noticed, she held the scanner on my tummy for about 5 minutes, moving it around, she was pressing quite hard and it began to hurt my bladder, I didn't think id be able to hold in anymore, but as soon as she took the scanner away and wiped the gel off my stomach, I ran out with my trousers still undone, I really didn't care I just needed to go to the toilet. I came out and a nurse came to talk with me, she explained that I had lost my baby, I was pregnant, but I'm not anymore, she told me I would bleed for another week or to, but I would be ok and the baby had cleared from inside my uterus. It was all over, this pain was over. Although I didn't know my baby, I still grieved for it, I have always believed that when a baby is conceived, that's when it's a life, it was a life inside me, it was mine, and now its gone, it affected me worse then anybody knew, I cant explain the feelings that went through my head for weeks after, I cant say that I was unhappy, I couldn't say that I was happy, all I know is that I rebuilt my world about breathing and living life to the full rather then living to please other people, and that's how it is today, it was more then 1 day that changed my life, but to me, that section of my life was one mistake, one lesson that taught me more then anything I could tell you from one day. ...read more.

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