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In my defence I was never as good as the child my parents portrayed me to be

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In my defence I was never as good as the child my parents portrayed me to be, but I wasn't as evil as the others labelled me. I was sick of monotony. I found myself doing the same things that I hated, for the same people that I hated, for the same reasons that I hated. I was so full of content for routine I couldn't be a good boy. When I was ten and I would fill the minus columns at school so that they had to make it bigger, and the only way to make it bigger was to take away from the credit column, which made no difference to me. I would be disgraced at house meetings every week for my negative contribution and would spend half my life in detention. At first this was a problem. A problem I had to solve and with only one solution. But then I realised that the solution was being dangled from a two-foot stick, which in turn was attached to my head. With the solution always in sight but never in reach I decided to give up. Then I didn't have time for this life. ...read more.


I couldn't and still can't spell, my grammar has much to be desired, I probably will never know what surds are in mathematics, but all of a sudden I had a desire to live. This didn't reflect in my work, or my exam results, I was on a downward spiral in that respect, but it now no longer mattered. This was me, but I didn't entirely realize it at first. I was divided in opinion, between what I was taught and what I was thinking. Most of my thinking went on at home or in the playground, or in between being sent to Headmaster and seeing him. The rest of the time I was scared. Knowing where your going is a daunting thing, especially when deep down you know no matter how hard you try to disguise it and kid yourself it will change tomorrow, your fait is not a glamorous one. Whether it's a happy fait was something most people didn't consider, but I did and once again I was content with the ability to think. Now if I have portrayed it right, then you will be thinking what are the reasons for waking up every day; to go to school; to scribble down my homework from the night before, or at least ...read more.


society that will employ me and in doing so it is society that I will contribute to, and one day I will be reliant on it for my income. But then I was faced with the reality that I am already dependant on it, to survive. And so half of me adopted the same opinion as that of my acquaintance, and I tried to work with it to change what has manifested itself in me as laziness. I will never know if I was destined to be lazy, my brother was lazy, but I knew that if I wasn't made so sick of monotony that repression wouldn't have got the better of me. And for whatever reasons I wasn't working, not working would become an option, and soon enough the better option, and inevitably normal. In this time so much has happened. I have lived, experiencing and contemplated the environment I lived in, I have made friends and lost friends. I have had the most magnificent highs, and the worst lows. I've seen things that would amaze you and one day I will write about them and what I have described to you now, will be an insignificant issue, but today it is something that plagues my mind and I hope it provokes yours. ...read more.

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