Day One (Tuesday 17th May)
Dear Diary, today has been a tough day for everybody in the village, a child has recently died as we have just passed through the summer season and drought has been terrible , all the family are so upset because he had a dreadful suffering death of a lack water. This is the 12 death we have had this month because of drought and I really hate living here, I just wish I could move away to a luxury apartment in the centre of Rio De Janero where my life could be fantastic as it is only 10miles south from where we live. Its unbearable seeing people having a life of high wages.
Day Two (Wednesday 18th May)
Dear Diary, Because of the drought and the poor services here, me and my family have decided to move out into the centre of Rio De Janero where we can live a marvellous life of better housing and an education for my 13 year old child so he can become an teacher that’s always wanted to be in his future job. We have decide to take the bus there, but we have to be early because it only comes one time a day and holds 26 people and normally there are over 60 people from the village from the village trying to leave. So today I have told my children Ronaldinho and Stella have been saying goodbye to all there friends.
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Peer Reviews
Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
A diary format of a migration. The format of the essay is suited perfectly to the style of this project and is split into easy to read dates and times. Lack of punctuation such as commas in places where they are needed. Punctuation, grammar and spelling other than this is to a good standard.
Level of analysis
The candidate shows some consideration of the difference between the city and rural environment and describes to a limited level the experiences that a person would have there. The description needs to be a lot more detailed although a number of factors about each style of living are mentioned and the opinion of the person moving is presented well.
Response to question
The focus of the diary is done well. The candidate consider potential implications of each environment and represents this in a diary form well, although the lack of detail should be addressed throughout.