What kind of situations or influences causes children shyness? New social encounters are the most frequent causes of shyness, especially if the child feels himself/herself to be the focus of attention. Zimbardo (1995, p. 108) explains that shyness has been attributed to the “rapidly change social environment and competitive pressures of school and work with which children and adults must cope.”
Researchers have implicated both nurture and nature in children shyness. Some aspects of shyness are learned. Children’s cultural background and family environment model different aspects of social behaviour. Reid and Vans (1989, p.199-218) have found that Children of the sociocentric society have been found to be more quiet, shy and less vocal than the Caucasians and Americans who are egocentric and uphold independency and individualistic ideals.
Feldman (2003, p.326-327) explain that hereditary temperament may play an important part in shyness. Children whose parents are sociable and competently communicative are more outspoken and outgoing in their personality development. However, research studies have also shown that genetic influences account for only a small proportion shyness in children. Through parents’ efforts, inhibited children have become more socially comfortable (Zimbardo, 1995, p. 110).
Therefore, shyness can be a normal response to potentially overwhelming social experience. On the other hand, children who exhibit extreme shyness that is not context-specific, these children may lack social skills or have poor self-concept. Thus, they are less competent at initiating play with peers. School-age children who consider themselves shy tend to have a low self-esteem and are often neglected by peers. As a result, they have few chances to develop social skills. As they continue to be shy into adolescence and adulthood, they describe themselves as being lonelier and having fewer close friends and relationships with members of the opposite sex than their peers. (Catron et al, 2003, p. 82-86, & Agnes et al, 1999, p.189).
There are many strategies for helping a shy child, but one very important aspect to carrying out these strategies is to avoid calling attention to what others think of the child. Adults who make negative remarks about the child, or who allow the child little autonomy, may encourage feelings of shyness, and aggravate the self-conscious feeling that the young child is developing (Bachler, 2002).
Firstly, parents and other significant adults need to know, love, and accept the whole child for what he/she is (Goff, 2001). Being sensitive to the child’s interests, feelings, and needs will allow parents and teachers to build a relationship with the child and show that you respect the child. This can make the child more confident and less inhibited.
It is important not to reinforce the child’s shyness by labelling the child and trying to change him/her, but rather change the way the child could respond to a situation. For example, a child who is temperamentally shy needs time to warm-up and feel comfortable in many situations like new school, new environment, and parties Some shy children are deep-thinking and cautious. They are slow to warm up to strangers and new surroundings. They observe the situation or person to see if it worth to get involved (Cohen & Rae, 1987, p.131). Once the child warms up and feel comfortable, he/she could really be a very charming and nice person.
Helping the child to build self-esteem is another important strategy to help shy children with negative self-concept - they tend to feel that that they are not accepted. Shy children should often be praised, and encouraged to reinforce their self-esteem when they demonstrate initiative, and skills. When they feel good about themselves, they are less likely to be shy. In fact, they would feel a sense of pride, accomplishment, and autonomy (Hendrick, 1992, p.113-114).
Golf (2001) advises that shy children should have a “plethora of opportunities for social interaction”. For instance, taking part in school activities such as swimming, ballet, gymnastics, speech and drama lessons, or Boy Scouts provide shy children with structured situations where they gradually might become comfortable.
By letting the child try different activities and hobbies, the child builds a repertoire of schemata to talk about with other children. As they find friends who share common interests with them, they would feel secure and comfortable to emerge from their shyness.
Of course, these activities may incur costs, but there are other opportunities such as encouraging the child to invite a friend or friends over or to go over to a friend’s house. As they spend time with people they are familiar and comfortable with, they gradually build self-esteem. This serves as stepping stone in moving towards more frequent and more populated social experiences (Golf, 2001).
In classroom situations, shy children could always be called upon to help in certain tasks such as bringing out stationery or laying out the table during snack-time. This helps the child to open up within a familiar environment where he/she trusts. At the same time, it is an opportunity for the shy child to foster interaction with his peers.
Reinforce shy children for social behaviour; even if it is only parallel play is beneficial in developing social skills. Van Hoorn (2003, p.92) recommends teaching children social skill words such as “Can I play, too?” and role-playing social entry techniques.
Berk (2002, p.377) emphasises that peer interaction is unique and vital to forming friends. Friendship is an important context for emotional and social development. As the shy child learns under the guidance of adults to interact with other children, they learn that friends are pleasurable to be with. This becomes a secure base to help the shy child to develop and enhance his/her feelings of comfort in the classroom.
In addition, as each shy child is different from another shy child, it is essential to provide safe adult and peer interactions and protection from those children who are aggressive and rough in play. Shy children need to be taught assertiveness and positive self-talk so that they learn to ward off aggressive children and not be bullied by them (Evertson, 2003, p. 73).
At times, shy children may attempt in joined activities but misinterpret nonverbal signals of others – they may misunderstand facial expressions or body language. As a result, they may be teased for their strange behaviour or lack of social skills, withdraw totally and become more inhibited. The adult’s role would be to teach the child to keep the appropriate physical distance from others, the meaning of facial expression such as anger and hurt.
Finally, parents and teachers could really work closely together to help children to overcome their shyness. Teachers do play a very important role in identifying the strengths, interests, and needs of the child to develop an individual plan to ease shyness in children: to build self-confidence, and to become autonomous.
Effective teachers and significant adults help the shy child by promoting a friendly, caring environment. They do not threaten, label, or punish them for being shy or misbehaving. Most important of all the strategies informed above, the child must be taught that shyness is not a problem or something to be ashamed of.
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