Getting married is also another major life change, before you get married you understand that you are a Fiancé and you know your roles in the household etc. after you are married your self concept changes because you are now a wife, your family is bigger and your roles may change. After you are married you may have a sense of loss for the way things used to be, i.e. your roles may have changed and you may start to lose friends and not go out as much. You will experience uncertainty, you may ask yourself; where is the relationship going now? Will we ever get divorced? Should we have children? Then you have to spend time, money and emotional energy sorting things out, maybe redecorating, sorting out bank accounts, changing names over with companies etc. you will also experience a need to learn new things, i.e. how to get on with the in-laws, how to live with someone else, how to take care of a house.
Having children is possibly one of the most major events that happen in a lifetime. Before you have children your self-concept tells you that you are either married or in a partnership with someone, you only have to look after a house and go to work. After the child is born your responsibilities totally change, your first priority is your child. You understand that you are a mother and know that the child relies on you. You will experience a sense of loss because you will no longer have time to spend doing nothing and going out whenever you want. You will also lose sleep and your relationship with your partner might change. You will have a sense of uncertainty because you don’t know how you will cope being a parent and if you are doing things right. You may be uncertain about money and housing and if you and the father will stay together. You spend time, money and emotional energy sorting things out during pregnancy and after the birth, things like; decorating bedrooms, buying prams, clothes etc and preparing for the birth. You will also experience a need to learn new things because you will not know how to look after the child or how to provide for it properly.
Getting divorced is a major life change, and believe it changes your self-concept the most. Whilst married you are confident and comfortable with your life. You have a routine and know your boundaries and limits. After your divorce you are disorientated, your confidence plummets to nothing and you feel alone and sometimes depressed. However, there is a sense of loss, because even though the relationship didn’t work you still long for the way things used to be and your partner back. You feel uncertain about where life is going now and if you will ever find anyone else to love again. You will spend time, money and emotional energy on changing yourself into someone you want to be in order to find a new partner. You will also be sorting out divorce settlements and new housing. Your need to learn new things is all about trying to find out who you are and what you want from life now. You will also need to learn how to get on with new people and how to start a relationship with someone else.
