Agony Aunt Letters

Authors Avatar

Gary Thompson                                               Wednesday 6th February 2008

 Agony Aunt Letter

George’s Agony Aunt Letter

Dear Katy Kindheart,

        I’m just a lonely and frustrated barley bucker with a lot of problems.

My name’s George and I’m a migrant ranch hand going from place to place in California with nothing to look forward to. I’ve been on the move now for nigh on five years with next to nothing to my name.

        My problem is made worse because I’ve got this dumb ass to after alla time. I’ll just call this son-of-a-bitch Chuck cos I would hate to get this guy into real trouble but Chuck ain’t got no other relatives.

        He can’t be trusted on his own for a few minutes on account of his killing little furry animals. You see, this crazy bastard likes the feel of soft fur and once he feels it he can’t let go and gets all mixed up.

        For example, he’ll be squeezing a mouse and it will bite him so he pinches its head and squashes it flat as a pancake. I’ve bashed him on the head with a fence picket to make him stop but he’s so goddamn strong and he has no self control.

        He alla time does something stupid on a ranch and gets canned which means I gotta scram too. At the last place in Weed, he used the ranch owner’s favourite kitten as a pillow and squashed its intestines all over the place. The thing is, he can’t remember what he does, a few minutes later after he does it and I gotta remind him so often I go nuts.

        He treats me like a dad and tries to copy every damn thing I do. If I pull down my hat, he does the same. If I pick my nose, he does the same, only the dumbass eats it aswell. I can’t desert him cos we’ve got this plan of one day raising enough stake to get our own place and live off the fatta the land.

Join now!

        Anyways, we kinda look after each other and we’ve been buddies ever since we were kids. We kinda need each other. Without him, I’d be real lonely and that ain’t no good cos it leads to bitterness and hatred of everyone.

        

        Please Katy, what does our future hold? Give me some hope.

        Yours,

                A lonely, frustrated and tormented soul!

Candy’s Agony Aunt Letter

Dear Katy Kindheart,

        I just thought I’d write to ya, but you must not look too closely at my English as I am not educated. I’ve heard that you ...

This is a preview of the whole essay