Mothers and Daughters and Body Images

Struggles with body image, dieting, feeling fat, and eating disorders continue to escalate. No longer relegated to older adolescents or college-aged girls, girls of all ages are highly aware of their appearance and their bodies. They begin at young ages to believe that their bodily appearance significantly defines something deeply true about their identity and worthiness as a human being. More and more, these beliefs play out to their extremes, resulting in negative body images and eating disorders.

Where did this come from?

There are a wide variety of influences on the present-day crisis in adolescent girls. In Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher states three reasons that adolescent girls are especially vulnerable. First, their developmental level is one of physical, emotional, and hormonal change. Second, she says that American culture “has always smacked girls on the head.” Third, she speaks about how American culture tells girls to move away from their parents and listen more closely to their peers at a time when they need parental support the most. 

--adolescence and change--

Adolescence has always been a difficult whirlwind of change. The world seems to change overnight. Relationships that used to seem simple and uncomplicated are now fraught with confusing nuances and danger; physical activities that were easy yesterday seem insurmountable today; behaviors that were acceptable yesterday are “unladylike” today. In addition, because puberty is occurring earlier and earlier in girls today, they are forced to deal with issues of menstruation and sexuality at ridiculously young ages. Their bodies are ready for – and calling out for – experiences their hearts and souls are in no way prepared for. In her book “Mom, I feel fat!”, Sharon Hersh quotes Dr. Michael Freemark, Chief of Pediatric Endocrinology at Duke Medical University: “It’s as if an entire generation of girls has been put on hormonal fast forward: shooting up, filling out, growing like Alice munching on the wrong side of the mushroom…” This time of vast, confusing change is often a terrifying time for young girls. Everything, including their own bodies and emotions, is a whirlwind of baffling transformation. It’s no wonder they react in volatile, often self-destructive ways.

--culture--

The most often-blamed culprit for negative body image and eating disorder problems in young girls is mainstream culture.

… [B]ody image continues to be associated with adolescent girl’s self-esteem. And in this study, body image acted as a “filter” between media influence and self-esteem for girls. This suggests that the relationship between self-esteem and media may be more embedded in physical appearance for adolescent girls than for boys. This comes as no surprise since women’s bodies have been used to sell everything – from automobiles to perfume – for decades.

The most celebrated guilty proponent of an unhealthy body image is, of course, the Barbie® doll. About 90% of three- to eleven-year-old girls own a Barbie®, yet “fewer than 1 in 100,000 women are likely to have body proportions similar to Barbie’s®.” In addition, movies, music, the fashion industry, commercials, television programs, and just about all other forms of media in our culture today repeatedly bash girls over their heads with, “You must be beautiful to be worthy, and the only way to be beautiful is to be thin.” Physical beauty is lauded over all else; simply walking into Abercrombie and Fitch in the shopping mall means being bombarded with larger-than-life posters of mostly naked men and women, beautiful and sultry and sexy. The implicit message is, “Spend your money on our wrinkled clothing and you, too, shall be desirable and beautiful and happy.” Young girls repeatedly receive this message, and they are deeply affected by it.

--relationships--

A third guilty party can be found within the family and peer relationships of pre-adolescent and adolescent girls. Girls at this age begin to fight even more to differentiate from their parents and move towards their peers, who are also being influenced by the culture and their own families. How families respond at this critical point is crucial. “… [F]amilies characterized as enmeshed, rigid, overprotective, and limited in conflict resolution put adolescents at risk for an eating disorder.” In addition, a family preoccupied with eating and body shape directly affects the degree of body dissatisfaction in young girls. Teasing and criticism in families has been found to predict body image and eating disorders. How a family deals with and communicates about body image issues directly influences how young girls perceive themselves. In addition, the more dysfunctional family relationships are, the greater the risk for eating disorders and obesity. How a family functions plays a huge role in these issues for pre-adolescent and adolescent girls.

The relationship between mother and daughter is crucial.

One of the most significant factors in a girl’s propensity towards negative body image and eating disorders  lies in her relationship with her mother. There is considerable research about the influence a mother has toward her daughter in these areas. How the mother deals with her own body image and weight issues, her beliefs about her own beauty, her responses to cultural influences, and her methods of directly and indirectly communicating these things to her daughter are all ways in which she extensively affects her daughter:

• “… [M]others were found to play a significant role in the prediction of weight loss behaviors in adolescent girls.” 
•  “… [D]iscussion about weight loss was one of the consistent predictors of eating problems in adolescent girls, [and]…girls regularly engage in discussions about weight loss with their mothers and friends.” 
• “Mothers who engaged in unhealthy dieting behaviors had five-year-old daughters who reported higher weight concerns and were twice as likely to possess awareness of and knowledge about dieting.”
• Clinical studies have consistently highlighted the role of the family in the development of eating disorders among girls, with dysfunctional familial patterns being characteristic of eating disordered families parents.

It cannnot be stated more simply than this: The state of a mother’s own body image predicts a daughter’s problem eating. Direct and indirect communication from a mother to her daughter carries a great amount of influence towards her own daughter’s views on eating and weight and body image. The mother-daughter connection can be one of the most intimate, intuitive relationships that exists; it can be and often is a powerful factor in shaping a girl’s life and self-esteem. This truth becomes especially crucial in light of how a woman’s body image and beliefs about her own beauty directly influence her daughter.

What is to be done?

In Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher describes a daughter’s struggle to individuate as essential to the mother-daughter relationship. A healthy family is one in which children are allowed and encouraged to differentiate without being enmeshed. Sharon Hersh describes it as hand-in-hand mothering, and says that it is “simply a willingness to learn as many ways as you can of responding to your daughter out of a heart filled with limitless love for her.” A healthy mother encourages her daughter to explore herself and her world and culture in thoughtful ways; she encourages creativity and independence in her daughter; she sets healthy boundaries without being overprotective; she engages with her daughter in considerate and open ways, pursuing her heart and world.

In her book, Hersh outlines the importance of courage, commitment, and curiosity to hand-in-hand mothering. Entering into a daughter’s world of music, peer pressure, sexuality, body image, and eating disorders requires a great deal of courage from a mother. It calls for a mother to be willing to face her own issues in these areas and to be willing to understand how her daughter’s world may be vastly different not only from anything she experienced, but also different from anything she might approve of. Hand-in-hand mothering also requires commitment from a mother; it demands resolve to be in healthy relationship, to be present, to be willing to stick around in spite of rejection. Finally, hand-in-hand mothering entails curiosity from a mother – curiosity about her daughter’s world, culture, thoughts, and feelings. It requires a mother willing to enter into her daughter’s tastes and thoughtfully consider them. It compels a mother to truly be interested in what’s going on in her daughter’s heart and mind, being protective yet not overprotective – loving, yet not smothering. 

A biblical perspective

Jesus provides the ultimate example of relationship for us. During his thirty-three years on earth, there were significant demonstrations of his mother-like heart towards his people. One of the most poignant of these moments moments is in Luke 13:34. He says, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!” Here Jesus demonstrates his protective and loving heart towards Jerusalem, clearly feminine imagery which connects well to the fierce protectiveness and adamant love a mother should feel for her daughter. Yet note that Jesus is speaking here of his longing; he does not speak of his action. He does not force his will upon Jerusalem; he is not overbearing in his protectiveness and love. He speaks of his longing for relationship. In the same way, a healthy mother names her longing for her relationship with her daughter and moves toward her, yet does not force or insist. She actively waits and pursues relationship with her daughter, allowing her to be herself and find her own identity, yet always connected, always in relationship.

In Matthew 10:37, Jesus says, "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me…” This is a difficult passage and not one easily explained. However, it is interesting to note what Jesus does not say here. He does not indicate to not love one’s family. He does not indicate to sever relationship. Yet implied within these words are boundaries; the familial relationship is important, yet not more important than loving Jesus. The implication is that there is a structure that puts relationship with God first. The notion of differentiation speaks to this structure: a healthy mother-daughter relationship allows the daughter to separate, to establish boundaries, to put relationships in appropriate priorities, yet remain connected.

Conclusion

Negative body image, eating disorders, and obesity are difficult issues facing young girls today. Staggering numbers of girls struggle with feeling fat, dieting, and weight loss, and even more deal with eating disorders. Girls enter puberty earlier and earlier while the culture sends stronger and stronger messages about body image ideals and the necessity of being thin. Family relationships also play a significant role in helping young girls establish healthy body images, especially the mother-daughter relationship. There is considerable evidence pointing to the relationship between how a mother’s own issues with body image and  weight loss and a daughter’s body image and propensity towards dieting, weight loss issues, and eating disorders. A well-differentiated family relationship in which a mother is courageous, committed, and curious about her daughter, willing and wanting to enter into healthy relationship with Jesus Christ at the center, establishes an environment for healthy body image to occur. She loves protectively without force and provides an environment for individuation without enmeshment. A healthy mother-daughter relationship is a powerful tool for helping young girls deal with difficult issues facing them today.

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ENDNOTES

(for inserts)

i Johnson, 25.

ii Vincent, 208.

iii Johnson, 22.

iv Hersh, 88.

v Johnson, 16.

vi Pipher, 19.

vii The Facts of Barbie. Retrieved March 18, 2003, from

viii Mattel, Inc. Fun Facts about Barbie. Retrieved March 18, 2003, from

ix 

x quoted in Hersh, 48.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

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The Facts of Barbie. Retrieved March 18, 2003, from

Graber, J.A., Brook-Gunn, J., Paikoff, R.L. & Warren, M.P. “Prediction of eating problems: An 8-year study of adolescent girls.” Developmental Psychology, 30 (1994): 823-834.

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Mattel, Inc. Fun Facts about Barbie. Retrieved March 18, 2003, from

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