Creative Writing - A love so true.

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English Creative Writing

A love so true

        I had never seen her so depressed. Tears were running down her face as I walked towards her. I would have given my life to stop these tears in her eyes but there was nothing I could do. Nothing can console a person who has lost a loved one. She probably did not know it then, but she meant the whole world to me. I wanted to talk to her and gather her in my arms and tell her that I loved her and that she had me for the rest of her life, even if her mother had left her.

        Restraining myself because the elders were there, I took her hand and squeezed it gently to let her know that I felt the pain in her heart. She looked into my eyes and then fell into my arms. Then she threw all restrain and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I could not hold back my tears and started crying too. A few of our friends who had just arrived, threw their arms around her and all of us huddled together and cried. We stayed with Jane the whole time of the wake and the funeral.

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        Next day I sat thinking of the plight my lady was in. I knew that she needed me, so I decided to go to her. When I arrived, her father was glad to see me. He led me in and pointed to her room. I went in and saw Jane sitting in the corner of her room; staring vacantly into space. I managed a weak smile and sat beside her. She looked at me and tears sprang into her eyes. I took out my handkerchief and gave it to her. She accepted it and wiped her tears dry.

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This piece starts off with promise but is not developed enough to allow the story to unfold into enough detail. The second half doesn't include enough description and the ending feels a bit rushed so as a whole piece the length needs to be developed. 3 Stars