English Creative Writing
A love so true
I had never seen her so depressed. Tears were running down her face as I walked towards her. I would have given my life to stop these tears in her eyes but there was nothing I could do. Nothing can console a person who has lost a loved one. She probably did not know it then, but she meant the whole world to me. I wanted to talk to her and gather her in my arms and tell her that I loved her and that she had me for the rest of her life, even if her mother had left her.
Restraining myself because the elders were there, I took her hand and squeezed it gently to let her know that I felt the pain in her heart. She looked into my eyes and then fell into my arms. Then she threw all restrain and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I could not hold back my tears and started crying too. A few of our friends who had just arrived, threw their arms around her and all of us huddled together and cried. We stayed with Jane the whole time of the wake and the funeral.

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Teacher Reviews
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This piece starts off with promise but is not developed enough to allow the story to unfold into enough detail. The second half doesn't include enough description and the ending feels a bit rushed so as a whole piece the length needs to be developed. 3 Stars