It was all one big nightmare
Personal Writing - Non-fiction
It was all one big nightmare
The year of 1998 provided the start of a major point of devastation not only in my life, but my family's life. To this day it is still the most vivid memory in my mind and I am convinced it will be for a very long time.
The routine in my family household in the month of May 1998 was the same familiar routine that had occurred in the household for a number of months previous. Eight months prior to this my mum, as a shock to all, left her job of seventeen years of managing three nursing homes, on supposed sick leave. This all made sense at the time, she was very stressed and distraught after the sudden death of one of her residents and was also checked out for an osteoporosis scare.
I was woken up at 6:00 to have a bath and get ready for school. My mum always looked shattered by this time as everyday she'd get up at 4:00 on five hours sleep and go straight into housework (the cleaning fanatic that she is!). I was to get ready and leave the bathroom free for my brother who was to be awoken at 7:00.
The only difference was that on the morning of 25th May 1998 a bombshell was to hit me. Up until this point in my life I had never experienced the amount of devastation I was about to experience and resort in an ongoing feeling of not only devastation but also fear right up to this very day. I was walking through to the kitchen where my mum was always to be found at 6:40 on a weekday morning. As usual my mum and I were having are routine gossip before my brother James woke up but today my mum seemed a bit distant to me. It was obvious there was something on her mind that was troubling her. 'Lauren, there's something you need to know...' What shocked me the most was my name. Unless it was something incredibly serious my name would not be mentioned in our conversations. 'This may come as a shock to you but now you have to know...' The delay between this sentence and the next seemed like years. I already felt sick. I could sense something was really not right here. 'It's time for you to know as it has now become published news in the local paper...A year ago I was arrested.' That was it the bombshell dropped, my mouth hung so wide open and for the first time in my life I was gobsmacked. The feelings inside me were so muddled I don't know what I was feeling. What was I meant to say? My poor innocent mum who had nothing but a good word to say about anybody who's biggest crime in life was stealing a 'Marathon' bar that she went back and admitted to and paid for the next day had been arrested. What? This was not right at all. After a two minute reply my mouth motioned something and I just remember the words coming out being 'What? How? Why? Who knows?' At this point I just wanted to cry my eyes filled up with tears but I had to stay strong my mum could hardly contain herself as it was and if I was to burst out in tears you could just sense that we would just sit and cry for hours.
' I was arrested for the alleged theft of £18,000 from the residence of Goodwins Road (a nursing home she was a manager of). Jamie Hewitt and her family know, as does your dad but no one else unless they've read the paper.' I couldn't believe that when she told me she had been on bail for a year but I had only just been told. Why? My mum and I confided everything in each other. When I asked I got told that 'It was for my own good and even if I didn't realise that now I would eventually at one point realise this was truth. Why but me through two years of torture until the trial in August 1999? There was no point and it was only now that I was told unless I heard it from my friends.' My mum didn't want that at all. I sat on the sofa deep in thought for the next thirty minutes. What I had just heard was too much to take in.
My brother came down and saw tears slowly trickling their way down my face and when he asked mum what was wrong with me I burst into tears big time. Hearing it for a second time seemed to make it more real but why, why my mum? She explained to the both of us that due to the high position she used to hold in her job she had a very high class solicitor and barrister from London that you had to pay £250 to walk through his door but due to her job she got him for £50 a month on legal aid. There was no possible way she could lose her case as she was not guilty and her legal representatives were the best at their job. Whether she believed that truly at the time or that's what she wanted to believe I am unsure of but that's what me and my brother were told so that's what we believed. Why shouldn't we? Anyway that was it any serious talk of the topic was not to be spoken until a lot nearer the time. It was to be put to the back of our minds and pretended that it did not exist. This was impossible but the whole family put in their biggest effort to avoid the subject as much as possible.
We went through a number of emotions between May 1998 and August 1999. There were a number of laughs, tears smiles and frowns. The time whizzed by compared to what was expected from everyone. By June 1999 we had to look forward. We needed to plan what was going to happen - who was going to go where, who was going to be present in court, At this point I was once again extremely confused. I wanted to go but knew it would be the wiser option not to. My mum also advised me it was best not ...
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We went through a number of emotions between May 1998 and August 1999. There were a number of laughs, tears smiles and frowns. The time whizzed by compared to what was expected from everyone. By June 1999 we had to look forward. We needed to plan what was going to happen - who was going to go where, who was going to be present in court, At this point I was once again extremely confused. I wanted to go but knew it would be the wiser option not to. My mum also advised me it was best not to attend but said that at the end of the day it was my choice. She couldn't stop me but she kept explain how a courtroom is a very daunting place for adults let alone for children just about to turn thirteen, especially a Crown Court. It was obvious I was going to have to spend a few days of serious thought on the matter before any conclusion was to arise. It was finally confirmed towards the end of June that both me and my mum would go and stay at my nan's and my dad would stay back to look after James, who was not particularly keen on the idea of getting involved in it at all but who could blame him, and to carry on earning some vital money. The trial was to start on Monday August 16th with the first three weekdays planned to be for prosecution with the two following days expected to be defence and outcome.
The next two months approached pretty quickly. The packing seemed to take ages, well mine was pretty quick but mum was in great doubt about what would be sensible to take and what not and therefore came to me for advice. She had to prepare for the worst case scenario as well and so therefore filled a small overnight bag with any essentials. We had all made jokes at the dinner table about seeing mum on the BBC programme 'Jailbirds' and jokes about 'why would we be eating Sainsbury's economy ice cream at 56p for a two litre tub if we had £18,000 in the bank?' but now it was time to set all jokes aside and take this thing seriously.
While mum was on bail for two years she had to regularly attend checks with a probation officer, which my mum had a question and answer session with. My mum had no questions but one - if she was to be found guilt what would happen? My mum was told that in almost every case the woman would be sent immediately to H.M.P. Holloway, unless there were major staff shortages. My mum, as soon as she heard this, felt physically sick. But it didn't matter though why should it after all what are the chances of a woman being found guilty of a crime she did not commit? Obviously there was no chance, or was there?
We arrived at my nan's at about 16:30 on the Sunday before the trial. Tensions were high and the nerves were starting to show in everyone. I was to stay at my nan's house on the Monday, nan would take me into the city on Tuesday and then we'd go out for days out for the rest of the week. My pops was to escort and support my mum during the day. They had always been close but this event had brought them closer together than I ever imagined possible. I suppose disasters do that to families. Anyway a meal of roast chicken and vegetables was thoroughly enjoyed by all and then it was agreed that everyone should try and get as much sleep as possible and so therefore an early night was called for. My mum and me had to share her room she owned when she was young and although we went to bed early we never slept a wink. We just sat and held each other all night. There was nothing more that could be said.
Monday morning at 6:00 and by this time everyone was awake even my pops. It was rare ever to find pops out of bed before 11:00. The bathroom was shared and no one bothered with breakfast. There was no point all appetites were lost. Mum and pops set off at 8:30 to arrive at the courtroom for 9:00. Although the court is only a ten-minute walk from my nan's my mum needed to just have a final run through with her barrister and solicitor. That was it I was left hanging around while my nan did her odd jobs around me. There was no definite time of when my mum would be back. As in all cases there's no possible way to have set times for these things.
The Monday for me was pretty relaxed. I sat around, read a bit, went for a walk around Mousehold. Time soon passed and my mum arrived home at 17:00. She looked absolutely exhausted but didn't seem to downhearted but actually looking back on it now it is very likely it was all just a front. She didn't want to worry me or nan, who ever since her stroke had become the most frustrating person and the biggest worrier ever. The Monday night went pretty well and everyone slept quite well until at 6:00 again when the same routine was gone through. However when my mum left today, me and my nan then left for the city. It was just a coincidence but when we got on the bus at Gertrude Road we discovered that due to roadworks the bus route had been altered for the day. The route now went via the court and as we went past my nan went, 'Oh look your mum's in there' which, in the first place I didn't really need to hear because although I wasn't showing it I was deeply concerned inside, and I doubt the rest of the bus needed to hear that either.
My day was really annoying actually. I kept losing my patience with my nan but then had to bite my lip. All day I was in thought of my mum. When she came home she was distraught. She explained how everything was not going according to plan but instead a lot quicker. She had said that just like the day before it started off very boring and so therefore she had sat and stared out of the window but halfway through the day she was called to the dock. It was such a shock she didn't go immediately and had to be asked twice. She wasn't expecting this until the next day and therefore was very unprepared. The prosecution had not taken as long as was first intended and therefore the case was rapidly approaching the end. Tomorrow was likely to be the day of the outcome. My mum's barrister therefore that night had to ring around everyone and ask them to provide character witnesses and statements and perhaps even be there in person tomorrow. Unfortunately the only person that could make it on that day, the family doctor Dr Galloway, had been placed on the prosecution list of witnesses and therefore could not stand for the defence. My mum put on a brave front while she explained this to nan and me but then when she was on the phone in the other room to my dad asking him to come up tomorrow morning to provide some support I overheard parts of the conversation. My mum by this time was in hysterics. She explained how frightened she was and how she had now realised it was my mum versus the NHS. There was no way she could win. During the cross-examination she was being asked questions of the like 'Where is the receipt for the £12.50 taken from Mr. Melvin Cross's account on May 18th 1993 and what was it spent on?' Quite honestly how could anyone remember that? The receipts were somewhere but a box had been lost somewhere. My mum was very pessimistic about the outcome.
When we went to bed I later approached my mum told her about what I had heard and let her explain the full story to me. My dad was to travel down early in the morning and would meet them at court. My and nan were now to stay in and wait for a phone call as it could be a phone call of the outcome which was made to us anywhere between 10:00 and 17:00. The night was a rough one for everyone and was very similar to Sunday night with the added extra of tears. Floods of tears streamed from both my mums' eyes and mine as we sat and cried for two hours non-stop in each other's arms.
The night had to be one of the longest I had ever experienced. My mum later mentioned that she had never had such a long night since the nights when I was a baby and she had to sit up with me all night as I suffered with whooping cough, for which my mum would not let me take the injection as there was a high risk of mental illness side effects and therefore I could have died any moment. That was it I said goodbye to my mum that morning knowing there was a chance she may not come back tonight. A feeling of terror went through me. Every minute of the day took longer and longer to pass. I could not keep my mind on anything and became incredibly fidgety all day. My nan kept herself occupied with housework all day and the tension was so great that you could cut it with a knife. Every time the phone rang my nan was always very reluctant to pick it up but every time the phone rang that day it was someone wishing my mum luck, never mum. It got to the stage in the afternoon where we were just wishing for the phone to ring even if it was bad news. The not knowing was unbearable.
At 17:30 my mum, dad and pops walked through the back door. There were streams of tears running down my mum's face and obviously had been for a long time as there were bad makeup smudges down my mum's face, a woman who always took pride in her looks. My nan broke down instantly for they were not tears of joy yet the tears of sorrow flowing from a heartbroken woman's eyes. I have never seen anyone in such a state. It was unbelievable. Tea was forgotten about and we went and sat in the living room. The story was gone through. The solicitor had always said to my mum that she had to be found guilty of all of the money and could not be found guilty of just a sum. This was not the case. My mum had been charged with the theft of £1,500 a sum remarkably smaller than that which she was accused of. The jury, just local normal people, had managed to find £16,500 in three hours. Normal people! It was obvious the rest was to be found somewhere but the jury weren't accountants. It was all summed up and agreed that as my mum had James and me that the sentencing would be delayed for a month.
I was meant to be staying at my nan's for the rest of the week but felt I needed to be with my family, especially my mum, at this moment in time. I therefore went home and returned to my nan's for three days the next week, a decision I was later to regret as my mum was left alone on her birthday and was very miserable and understandably my nan and pops weren't a barrel of laughs either. I went back home not feeling any better and just waiting for the 16th September to approach. The first two weeks after the court case were incredibly lengthy; the following two however were just like normal. In this time we all had many chats about what would happen to mum. The judge would review the case and sentence her off that. It was likely for her to get community service or something. While she had a thirteen-year-old child and fifteen-year-old child in her care nobody could be that heartless to split us up. Anyway dad worked nights always had done for the past twenty years how were we meant to survive? So there you go no worries, my mum was just going to have to do a bit of work for the community and although she would have a criminal record it didn't matter, at least she could rest in bed at night knowing she had done nothing wrong. The same however could not be said for her old managers and you could tell things still play on their conscience even to this day.
Friday 16th September a day I remember well, very well indeed and I'm sure I will do for a very long time to come. We had been back at school for just over ten days and everything seemed like normal. The morning of Friday 16th was one of those mornings where I fortunately didn't have to leave as early as all the other days, a swimming day. I would on this day not leave the house until 8:05 twenty minutes later than usual. I would wait for my friend Darren at my house and we would walk to swimming together. This morning though was no different to any other apart from my dad had taken the two previous nights off work and was therefore up and dressed very formally. It was a rare sight to see my dad at this time of day let alone not wearing his nurses uniform. I had found an empty whisky bottle, only one of them miniature ones, lying around. I thought nothing of it as I knew this was the way my mum coped with tough days that she had had time to prepare for. A swig of the stuff that she rarely touched and things seemed easier to her. I personally believe it just to be one of these psychological things. Anyway so everyone was dressed and ready like usual. James said bye as he left the house and then I lingered a bit to wait for Darren. I only said bye to my mum whilst leaving the door, something I was later to regret. I didn't even go to see her, which now in hindsight is a very frustrating thing for me.
So of I went to school as normal and it never occurred to me that what was actually happening today could alter my life dramatically until 14:00. At this point I also realised that everything would be over by now and I just wanted to get home to see my mum again and be there for her, to congratulate her for getting through her ordeal as now it was practically all over. The music lesson I was sitting in was hell for me. It had taken hours to pass and the journey home the longest I had ever encountered. As usual I sat on our front wall and spoke to my brother's best mate Adam who always walked home with me and James. We were waiting for the car of my mum's soul mate Chris to pull up. She had gone along not only to give my mum support but also to provide a final character witness for my mum. I was incredibly close to Chris as well. We sat waiting on the well for the car to come; they'd obviously just stopped in a pub for a celebratory drink. There were no messages on the answer machine but hey surely no news was good news.
Then that was it. The car pulled up. I con picture it so clear in my mind even to this day that I con actually believe it is happening. I saw Chris get out, then my dad. Hang on there was someone missing. No it doesn't matter she'd just nipped to the corner shop or something. At this point everything seemed to be in slow motion. It wasn't for a second (that seemed to last a minute) that 1 saw my dad was crying. I'd never seen a grown man cry. What was happening? It wasn't true. It couldn't be. Where was my mum? At this point I just burst into the biggest flood of tears ever. Adam thought that this would be the right time to go. I said bye to him and watched him walk down the street. I had to pull myself together. What was I doing? My brother walked through to the doorway and my dad took him in. Chris just stood and she had held in her tears up until this point but she could no longer. We stood and cried. This woman was to become my 'temporary mum'. 1 loved her but if I had any choice I would have had my own mum anyday. Chris explained to me some stuff and then she had to get home to look after her own son Jack. She told me she would always be there 'Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall....' You know how it goes. I went inside and my brother was trying to hide his feelings but it wasn't working. The look on his face said it all and mode me cry even more. My dad sat down explained that my mum had been sentenced to fifteen months but could get out on good behaviour and do seven and a half.
At that moment in time though I didn't care how long it was. It wouldn't have mode any difference if it were ten years all that I knew was I had lost my mum and it hurt, it hurt a lot. My dad went through the basics. What was going to happen we'd all chip in and help out and we'd get through it but there was no way I could think about anything at the moment so I rushed out the door, not even bothering to put my shoes on and ran to my friend Laura's house. 1 stood at her door and cried. 1 was unable to talk and breathing was difficult She had to guess what happened and I just nodded. I was a bog of mixed emotions at this point - sorrow, pain, confused, frustrated, lonely, upset, angry and many more. 1 was a wreck. I recomposed myself and finally made my way home two and half-hours later. Things were sorted and it ended up that I would sleep in the double room for a while and my brother and dad would share. Dad knew how much it affected me and thought it would be better for me to have some space. The only trouble was my mum's room was still filled with her belongings. I must have cried non-stop for a week. I went through so many ifs and buts in my head but there was no point it wasn't worth it. If only I had have given more attention to her that morning but there was nothing I could do now. I did not realise dot I would only see my mum twice between 16th September 1999 and 281h February 2000.
They were hard times and a number of things happened to my mum during her stay in Her Majesty's Prison Service but that's my mum's story not mine and would take too long to tell. We all suffered the ups and downs for six months before my mum was finally released on tag for two months and then on license or another seven. We all pulled together and struggled through it though and it has mode us realise a lot in life and brought us all closer together. A number of things changed since then, very few positive things as well. I doubt though any experience I will ever have con ever compare to and be as outstanding as that of this story. At least one thing good came out of all of this stuff though and that is I doubt my life could get much worse and things con now only get better. I have had to grow old before my time and mature a lot which my brother did not seem to accomplish according to most but the whole scenario effected everyone and each and every single one of us is now different in some way. 1 would also just like to take a minute to reflect on the life of Christine Mary Kew who helped me and my mum through this bad period and was tragically killed in the some dreadful car on 23d October 2000. R.I.P. Chris and thanks a lot for all the help you ever provided us with. It's much appreciated and well remembered.
