Environmental Social Economical
This is my coursework broken down into digestible chunks. Anything I used came from this piece of text.
For (they should be able to drive)
- They are experienced in driving. Therefore have more practises driving on the road. [8]
- More convenient, you can get where you want, whenever you want. [11]
- Not as dangerous in a car, as elderly people may feel intimidated at a bus stop. [12]
- It is discrimination to not let them drive. [13]
- They have passed there test, so they have as much right to drive than anyone else. [14]
- Gives money to the Government for road tax.
- Petrol stations gain money.
- They can talk with family and friends comfortably without feeling awkward around others.
- If more old people drive they will buy new cars, from car dealers. Putting more money into the local economy, adding to the Multiplying effect.
- It they drive a car, they will pay money towards having it cleaned, giving money to car cleaners.
Against (They shouldn’t be able to drive)
- Poorer eyesight is very common with older people. [15]
- Adds to Global warmer. [16]
- Uses fossil fues
- Slower reaction time as you get older. [2] and
- Saves money as petrol is rising. [17]
- It is more sociable to go on a bus and talk with the community.
- Could put others in danger.
- Buses are seen as dirty, and not hygienic.
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Peer Reviews
Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
The grammar is wrong in places. For example, ' they have more practises in driving' is not only spelt wrong but also reads wrongly. It should read, ' They have more practice with driving on the road.' Later in the essay the writing become 'sloppy' leading to spelling mistakes and grammatical errors that should have been avoided. Overall punctuation seems fine.
Level of analysis
The candidate uses a variety of sources that they have accessed. However, the quoting technique used is messy and the candidate should use a proper referencing method to make the essay present better. A few of their reasons for elderly people being able to drive are not very strong, for example where they mention petrol stations gain money, this could be grouped into a generic the elderly driving a car will put more money into the economy point rather than using three separate bullet points pertaining to the same thing.The candidate does include further information that provides evidence supporting their points, but this is not presented tidily and is presented in a random order so not adding to the essay.
Response to question
Overall, a range of good points. The response to the question covers a wide variety of relevant points, although some points are quite weak and the clarity of each point and what it means to the older age group is not clearly explained. The layout of the essay detracts from the response to the question leading to lack of clarity throughout the piece.
