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>>Lets Talk About Sex

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>>Lets Talk About Sex... Tuesday, and i pace up and down the bar of my small-town, backalley pub, pondering over the massively daunting task set before me. A 1500 word text, written to entertain..... Entertain you say? sounds like a challenge.... A couple of hours pass and i've had no progress. Still behind the bar, still waiting for a customer to lighten up my day and still pondering over what the genre and form of my text are going to be. A sonnet perhaps? Lyrics? ... An article? Its going to be one of those nights. Suddenly, like a chicken in a slaughter house that just realised its purpose in life, I have a twist of randomness... Let's go get laid... Through online dating... And write about it! With my new plan in mind, i get home after work and kick start my computer. I whack 'Online Dating Agencies' into the google search bar and hit the button. 'Displaying 1-25 of 3,566,001 results,' crap. Something tells me a different approach is needed. Feeling a need for a more refined result, i do the same search in the guardian online's archive search . . . Bingo! An article by regular writer Charlotte Hamilton tells me that online dating is fast becomming more of a big bang than a boom, with the market now worth 'in excess of �600M in the UK alone'. ...read more.


Then i chose a good photo, spent 15 minutes attempting to work out how to get the bloody thing online, and voila! im officially "SAD!". >>Dude Looks Like A Lady.... What do you get if you cross half a tonne of unrefined lard with Margaret Thatcher??! My first contact, that's what. Its Monday morning, I've just got out of bed after 4 hours worth of sleep, wiped my eyes and done the 3 S's (Shit, Shower, Shave). Log on to dating direct and nearly jump for joy! 'One new message received'! However, there's just one major problem. 'In order to read your message, you must first become one of our many Premier Members. Our Premier Members get all the best of.......' And so on. In the name of research, I key in my card details and submit myself to hundreds of SPAM mailing lists and crappy letters through my door. My newfound friend is named Sarah, according to the post on my message board she's '20, blonde and well shaped. A bit of a Nymphomaniac and always up for anything!' and she invites me to take a look at her profile. Click the link and..... Holy Crap! She's Huge! Maybe I should take things into my own hands. >> Pick A Date, Any Date.... Tuesday, and after the usual half arsed day of college, I return home with my heart set on a mission: To find myself a date who does not have to turn sideways to fit through my bedroom door. ...read more.


That's Kerry. "Arrw, you're so sweet! Can't believe you own a spice girls album!" Some random person who likes to talk rubbish. Honest. I pick the two i like the sound of most, and arrange to meet up. After a few minor teething problems (one major flaw of the website is that links can lead you just about anywhere, not necessarily where they say they'll lead you), we confirm a date in Nottingham in a weeks time. >> One week (and a bit) later.... DatingDirect.com got me laid. Twice. In one week. So, Can We get laid through online dating? Damn straight we can! But is it worth it? After paying �24.99 I was lucky to get some responses in the first month. If I hadn't, I could of ended up paying similar amounts every month. They also charge for placing pictures on your profile. Not only that but sign up and expect spam to invade your inbox like America going to war with.... well.... anyone. At the end of the day though, is it really worth spending all that time infront of your monitor and spending all that money?. It really isn't difficult to pull in a bar if you know what you're doing and you are confident about it. My advice? Get a girlfriend and get laid every night! Otherwise, Stick to the clubs, and stick to the bar. Stick to eying up that hotty at the other end of the dance-floor, and when she comes up to buy a drink, stick to not asking her if she 'comes here often'. MS ...read more.

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