Original writing - Her shoes.
Original writing
Her shoes.
The food I eat is dirty, the clothes I wear are dirty, but my mind is perfectly clean...now!
My mind was like a ruined castle, crumbling, with nobody to protect it. The people I though to be my friends were like an army, attacking and taking from me the one thing I thought was truly mine, home. Laughing at me because I still lived at home, eventually I gave in, so now I am living on the street, homeless, begging, a dirty looking tramp scrounging for money. I glance at myself in shop windows, as I walk past, deep inside I know it is me, but the reflection I see is not as I remember.
I can't go back home now , not after all that has happened. They probably wouldn't even recognise me these days, I know I must be a major disappointment for them, their 'perfect little daughter' that ran away from home, they must be so ashamed. I never meant to hurt them , I didn't do it on purpose , it was like I was being controlled on the inside by somebody else. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I knew that I should put an end to it, it was just that I couldn't stop ...
This is a preview of the whole essay
I can't go back home now , not after all that has happened. They probably wouldn't even recognise me these days, I know I must be a major disappointment for them, their 'perfect little daughter' that ran away from home, they must be so ashamed. I never meant to hurt them , I didn't do it on purpose , it was like I was being controlled on the inside by somebody else. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I knew that I should put an end to it, it was just that I couldn't stop once I had started. I suppose I just got in with the wrong crowd, the people I thought were my friends, I hadn't realised at the time but they were the people that were making my life a misery, but I know now. If I didn't join in with what they decided to do I would be branded the outcast. In the end I thought it would just be easier to fit in if I went along with whatever they decided to do, at least I wouldn't have them laughing at me any more, or calling me a 'mummy's girl'.
I would give everything I own for a chance to go back in time and put things right, never get involved with my 'so-called friends', smoke, drink or do anything to upset my parents, but no, life doesn't work like that, you have to learn from your mistakes, not run away from them.
I miss every little thing about home, even how my mum, the perfectionist, likes everything to have its place. Believe it or not ,I even miss the way I am the one in the wrong, the one who is always the scapegoat.
I even miss Dad, I know he called me a dirty slut and I forgive him I just hope he can forgive me too, I know he can't stand rudeness, not from me, not from anybody, that's just the way he is. I knew it was a dreadful mistake, I should have waited, waited for the right time and the right person, it has to be special, you know like in fairytales, but life isn't a fairytale, life doesn't work like that.
Mum was always trying to be my friend, she bought me that pair of hideous shoes, she must have thought they were fashionable, she was always trying to do her best for me, but I just pushed her away every time, just dismissed her like a piece of rubbish, I have to learn that you cannot treat people like they don't matter, because they do, they have feelings, and I will never forget that.
I just hope my parents realise that I am sorry, realise that I never meant to hurt them, and most of all realise that I love them.
