In many circumstances, as the emotional relationship matures, couples move in together. Buying a home as a couple, publicly shows permanence, as home ownership leads to unitive responsibilities and commitment i.e. financially supporting one another. Cohabitation, which is becoming increasingly common, is often a transitory phase for many couples before they advance to marriage. In this situation they can get to know each other's flaws and habits before they are lawfully united. This means if the couple become incompatible and separate, there is no legal bond between them.
The proposal is a very formal announcement that publicises the couple's intentions. Stereotypically the male proposes marriage to the female but it is established that on the 29th February the female asks the male. As a sign of their love, rings are exchanged and worn on the wedding finger. The man, by tradition, is supposed to present his intended the largest rock he can afford to show publicly the couple's wealth and permanence. Before the male can propose to the woman it is customary to go to the woman's father to ask for his daughters hand in marriage. This signifies the acceptance of the proposal by the bride-to-be's family.
In Christian wedding ceremonies separation, transition and incorporation occur. The individual is separated from their parents and enters a new family, consisting of themselves and their husband. The wedding ceremony is a sacrament, which takes place as part of the Mass. It is a celebration of God's love in front of the whole community. The meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage is a public sign of God's love, which is reflected in the love the couple have for one another, a lifelong commitment (permanence), total fidelity (Exclusiveness) and life giving (Procreative.)
There are a lot of rituals involved in the marriage ceremony. At the beginning of the ceremony the bride walks down the aisle with her father, who 'gives the bride away.' The Father 'giving' away the bride shows a passing on of responsibilities to the groom from the bride's parents. The attire worn by all those present is very formal; the congregation wear their best clothes when attending church, the bride traditionally wears a white dress, which symbolises innocence and maidenhood and a veil, which symbolises modesty and chastity. In some Eastern ceremonies the bride is veiled and the groom is not allowed to see the bride's face until after the wedding ceremony and in some Jewish weddings there is a ritual where the groom ensures that the bride is his intended before placing the veil over her face. It is considered unlucky for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before until she arrives at the ceremony. Brides also follow the rhyme: 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue'. This tradition originated in the Victorian era, although some of the customs pre-date that period. The "something old" represents the couple's friends who will hopefully stay close during the marriage. Traditionally this was old garter which given to the bride by a happily married woman in the hope that her happiness in marriage would be passed onto the new bride. "Something new" symbolises the newlyweds' happy and prosperous future. The "something borrowed" is often lent by the bride's family and is an item cherished by the family. The custom of the bride wearing "something blue" originated in ancient Israel where the bride wore a blue ribbon in her hair to represent fidelity. The rhyme continued, "And put a silver sixpence in her shoe." The Victorians did this in order to guarantee prosperity within the marriage. Today some brides put a penny in their shoe. The bride also carries a bouquet of flowers, some brides’ choice of flowers are dependent on their symbolic meaning i.e. roses are symbolic for love. After the reception the bride traditionally throws her bouquet back over her shoulder where the unmarried female guests group together and try to catch it. By tradition, the one who catches the bouquet will be the next one of those present to marry. The groom usually wears a formal suit and a flower in his buttonhole taken from the bride's bouquet.
Before a Catholic Nuptial Mass begins, the priest welcomes the bride and groom and the congregation. Greeting the congregation shows that marriage is a public affair, as it is lived out within the local community. This is followed by the Homily (sermon) in which the priest whom is the official representative of the Church discusses the responsibilities and dignity of marriage, as well as how the couple will come closer to God through their marriage. This reminds the couple of the solemnity of the vows they are about to undertake.
During the marriage ceremony the priest questions the couple individually. The function of this questioning is to make certain the bride and groom understand the responsibilities they are about to accept. They are asked if they give themselves freely and without reservation, will love and honour each other for a life long relationship and accept children lovingly .In answering the questions, the couple are publicly declaring their understanding of the joint responsibilities of marriage and are free to accept them, therefore giving themselves totally to each other.
Within the marriage nuptial, the vows are the actual sacrament .The couple pledge the vows to each other and by doing this the couple become a unit. The couple say, " I [name] do take thee, to be my lawful wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." The couple promise their unconditional love for each other, in the form of a binding contract with one another and God. "I [name] do take thee [name] to be my lawful wedded wife/husband" expresses the couple willingness to have an exclusive relationship and completely accept one another for who they are, without judgement. "To have and to hold, from this day forward," declares a permanent, lifelong commitment and a brand new start for the couple. "In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish," reminds the couple that they have promised to accept the whole package, no matter the situation. "Till death do us part," expresses that marriage is a life long intuition that requires joint commitment.
After the couple have said their vows, it is essential in a Catholic Marriage ceremony, that the priest accepts the mutual consent of the bride and the groom. "You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessing. What God has joined together let no man put asunder." The priest officially recognises the union in the eyes the Church and the community.
Then the priest blesses the rings with the words, "May the Lord bless these rings which you give to each other as a sign of your love and fidelity." The ring is a sign of the vows the couple have promised to uphold and is a daily reminder of their promises.
When the rings are exchanged, the Trinity is called upon. The bridegroom says, "Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." This is in order to call upon God to bless the couple. Typically wedding rings are made of gold, symbolising how priceless and precious the relationship with one another and God is. The continuous circular band represents eternity and a never-ending relationship because in the eyes of the Church, marriage is a life-long commitment.
The Nuptial Blessing is a review of the important themes within the marriage ceremony, fidelity, life giving, permanence, and the marriage being a public affair, which is lived out in the community. The congregation pray that God will bless the couple, keep them faithful and let them be living examples of Christian life.
The signing of the marriage register legalises the marriage; it is signed in the presence of an authorised registrar according to civil requirements. The law requires the bride and groom to say in turn, two statements that compose a civil contract.’ I do solemnly declare that I do not no of any lawful impediment why I [name], may not be joined in matrimony to [name.]
I call upon these persons here present to witness that I [name] do take thee [name] to be my lawful wedded wife/husband.’ The couple declare they are legally 'free' to enter into the civil contract and have witnesses to marriage.
As the newly married couple exit the church, the guests throw confetti over them. This is to bestow riches and fertility on the couple. After the ceremony, the couple celebrate their union at the reception. Cutting the wedding cake is now part of the ritual celebrations at the reception. The couple make the first cut together to symbolise their shared future. The top tier of the cake is often kept by couples for their first child's christening and is a symbol to promote fertility.
There are many reasons that marriages breakdown; the Pope outlined the main causes as failure, tragedy and illness. These reason reflect the values of the sacrament, as marriage is a permanent relationship but divorce occurs, marriage is an exclusive relationship but adultery occurs and marriage is a life giving relationship but contraception and abortion occur. The Divorce Law Reform of 1996 states that an 'Irretrievable breakdown' is sufficient evidence for a civil divorce to be granted, but civil divorce is not recognised by the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church believes marriage is indissoluble and irrevocable by law, so instead marriages are annulled. Annulment is properly known as An Ecclesiastical Declaration of Nullity. Marriages can be declared void, if the sacrament was never fully consummated after the ceremony, if the involved parties can prove it. A void-able marriage occurs when there is a defect in the contractual agreement. An annulment must be based on mental illness, fraud, forced consent, physical incapacity to consummate the marriage, lack of consent to underage marriage or bigamy. Annulment means a spouse can bring an action to have the marriage declared a nullity, meaning that it never legally existed in the eyes of the Church. Children also remain legitimate from within the annulled marriage.
The sanctity of marriage in today’s society is becoming an ideal more than reality. The ever-increasing divorce rates signify, that divorce is no longer stigmatised but a realistic way to end a marital breakdown. Many couples no longer need to marry, as society no longer looks down upon unmarried couples and the children of unmarried unions are now viewed as acceptable. Society has evolved and developed a modern, realistic approach to marriage, cohabitation and pre marital relationships, realising that marriage is more a choice than a necessity in modern times.