Benji Gourgey Diary of Elizabeth 17/10/2008
This is possibly the saddest day, for I have lost my life in the shape of my Husband. It is not only me who has lost something; my child has lost his father, my mother in law has lost a husband, and the people of this country have lost one of the greatest kings ever to live. My sorrow has no limits, so much so that I would grieve for eternity over my dead husband. I feel helpless now, for my stepping stone, which supported me through my life is gone and I fear all that is possible is for me to sink into the water, into darkness.
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Today I watched my nephew and neice suffer the same blow that I have, and as their aunt I could give them no comfort, for I was so overwhelmed by the death. For this, I feel terrible and a failure to my family. One thing that shocked me at first was the sorrow in which my mother in law, the Duchess, was besieged with. She was the saddest of all of us, for she had two of her sons taken away from her by death and the murderous hand of Richard. The thought of having to bare without any of my children, as well as my husband seems almost unbearable, and if that time ever comes, I fear I may cease the will to live, for it must be double the agony of what I am experiencing right now. When I found out of his death, it felt to me as if I had had a knife stabbed into my back, a knife that refused to come out when I pulled at it, leaving me with eternal agony.
I do not fear for my life much any more, but the life of my sons I do. I believe that Richard was the cause of Edwards death and that he will stop at nothing to attain the throne, therefore killing my children. Young Prince Edward is the heir to the throne; so he must be called to London and crowned. While we were deciding this, Richard entered, along with Buckingham, Hastings, Stanley, and . Buckingham and Richard smoothly agree that the prince should be brought to London, but say that only a few people should go to get him, deciding the two of them will go together. While all departed to discuss who should go to fetch the prince, I could not help notice Richard and Buckingham linger behind. It is clear that Buckingham has become Richard’s ally and accomplice. I know that they are plotting something against me Edward by I do not know what.
During today’s proceedings, I wore my hair about m ears, in order to show my mourning to everyone else. Later today, I found out that my niece and my nephew had been asking their grandmother if their father was dead, and she, lying to try to spare them, tells them he is not. I felt sorry for my mother in law that she had been put in such a situation to tell her grandchildren that their father was dead. But the duchess told me how she knows how evil her son Richard really is and that he killed his brother, and she grieves that she ever gave birth to him. I can not help feeling the same way.
I also fear what will become of me, now I am no longer wife to the king. I fear my days will be short, for it will be not long before Richard decides to kill me