Where to explore?
Time runs fast. To better utilize it, many undergraduates in universities will spend their summer vacations traveling to other countries. Hot choices are Europe and the U.S.A while more and more teenagers are going for the Mainland. Why are people choosing a western vacation? And what is reason of the others being attracted by the Mainland? Is there any downside of the choices? Soon we are going to know.
Going to Europe is a good choice, as Europe included many countries, so people can explore some kinds of different culture at once. Neither Europe nor the States have the same culture as we do. What we can do there is to visit the famous tourist attractions, enjoy some local cuisines at different places, talk to the residents there, and to go for some activities we can only try at specific places, like watching the Bull Games in Spain.
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Peer Reviews
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Quality of writing
The Quality of Written Communication is fine. There is an extensive use of short, simplistic sentences and it's possible that in "the grab" (the first four lines or so, that aim to attract the reader) could use more complex sentences structure to becomes more appealing and draw the reader in more, but these are minor details. All the required aspects of Standard English are present and the candidate adheres well to the requirements of a GCSE English student.
Level of analysis
The Level of Persuasion is fair. The candidate has utilised a lot of rhetoric and chooses Second Person address to involve the audience very consistently. You really get the real that some of the candidate's answer could be part of an actual brochure because it's so direct and intriguing to the audience. There could be a better use of statistics and voice of authority (or a celebrity, maybe?) to convince people that Japan really is the place to go and indulge in the culture of. Culture is something that is touched on in great detail here and it is one of the main pull factors for tourists. The tourism hotspots are another, as is the cuisine, but this last pull factor could be elaborated more.
Response to question
This is a Writing to Persuade tasks and the candidate is instructed to present an brochure insert/article that would attract University students from choosing the obvious holiday destinations like the USA and Europe. The candidate responds well though there are some fundamental flaws in the essay. The candidate's preferred location is ambiguous - they only mention "the Mainland" as the destination that students should look to going to and we have to guess through the description which country they are referring to; my best guess was Japan? The is a problem for someone trying to advertise a holiday destination as it is almost a given that you would see the name of the place being advertised within the first four lines, surely?
